This Crazy Life We Live...

Sinking In

2012-02-01T09:57:00.001-05:00

Well it has been almost a week now. I think it is finally starting to sink in.

Cali's curve was at 57 degrees last week and we are now facing surgery.

We have been on a rollercoaster of emotions but I think we are finally all good now. So many questions without answers. So many unknowns, what ifs, how will we do this, when and so on but things are coming together.

Yesterday I alerted her teachers.I have heard back from two at this point but we are shooting for a mid May date. Dr. Didelot said she will be in the hospital for one week and then on bed rest for 6 weeks. Three months post-op, he was optimistic that she would be back to her normal physical activities.

Less than 55, please!

2012-01-25T20:53:00.000-05:00

My jaws hurt. My head hurts. I'm guessing because I have been clenching my jaws all day. Thankfully today is Wednesday...a day that I'm home alone. I did nine loads of laundry today. I sat with the blinds down in the silence for awhile. When I got tired of that, I turned my music up as loud as I could. So tonight I sit in a somewhat clean house with all of my laundry done. Meetings are over and weather has cancelled any plans that I had for tonight. Tonight I will just sit.

About a year ago at Christmas we were sitting on the beach in Sanibel Island, Florida and noticed that something wasn't quite right with Cali's posture. Sure enough after taking her to the doctor, she was diagnosed with scoliosis. She had a 38 degree lumbar curve.

Fast forward 6 months. After wearing her brace faithfully, we went in for a check up. Dr. Didelot asks, "do you think she is better or worse?" I thought she was better but she was actually 10 degrees worse. He said that if she got to 55 then he would want to do surgery...and he went on to say that if he had to do surgery, we wouldn't be too happy because he would have to fuse L4 and L5 and that would limit mobility.

I remember at that moment just freezing and thinking, NOOOOO! As much as I want my baby girl to have that perfectly straight spine, the thought of not being able to watch her play soccer or any other sport killed me. So my question to him was, "what can we do?" He gave us some exercises and wrote a prescription for physical therapy telling us that core strengthening would be great for her.

I had never been to a chiropractor but my friend, Teresa told me a story about someone who took their daughter with scoliosis to one and it helped. I thought, at this point, we are going to try everything we can so we can't say that we didn't do everything possible.

But we didn't want to take Cali to just anyone so we decided to drive her to Avon to JC Anderson. We used to go to church with him and we knew that we could trust him to give Cali the very best care and we knew that if he didn't think it would work then he would tell us that we were wasting our time.   So once a week, we drove to Avon for Cali to be adjusted and rolled out.

Due to location and our schedule, we have opted to see a chiropractor here closer to home but still great care. Hoping and praying that being proactive will be a good thing come tomorrow morning.

I have been flooded with verses and song lyrics over the past couple of days that remind me that God is right here with us.

Jesus said, "Don't be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed."   Luke 8:50

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kids, because you know that the testing of your faith develops pereverance. James 1:2-3

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-10

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  2 Corinthians 12:9

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

God You know where I've been
And You were there with me then
You were faithful before You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand
I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

Love, Love, Love!

2012-01-01T21:24:00.000-05:00

Today we were challenged with the Great Commission...GO and make disciples! This verse in the Bible negates the old saying of "mama always said, there are two things you never talk about: politics and religion." Actually, the Great Commission has nothing to do with politics and truthfully I don't want to hear about or talk about politics but it has everything to do about religion...well, not just religion but a relationship...a relationship with the one and only one who can change your life.

We know it says "make disciples" and we know we are to be disciples but what does that look like? How do people know you are a follower of Jesus?

We had this discussion a few weeks ago during a small group. The first thing that came to my mind was Galatians 5:22...the fruits of the spirit. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness and Self-Control...do I have these? For sure I'm not perfect but am I working on them? I think so and if not then I would have to question, am I really saved? Am I really being controlled by the Holy Spirit or am I still in the flesh?

For sure we all stumble and the walk of a Christian is not one of once you get it, you "arrive". It's one of ups and downs. We grow, we learn but it's not always easy.

Another verse that came to mind during our, "how do people know you love Jesus?" discussion was the love chapter: Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

When I go through these verses, I have to ask myself, "do I show that kind of love?" And if not, why? Because I am supposed to if I claim to be a follower of Jesus. It's so not easy but we are told to LOVE, LOVE AND LOVE! Love God and love others...love them in the ways above. Should be easy but isn't when you often encounter grouchy, impatient, complaining, selfish, I could go on and on...people all of the time. Gotta love them anyway...show them the love that can only be shown by knowing Jesus...Otherwise I am just lukewarm...

Another conversation that we have had...we are reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan and Chapter 4 is on being lukewarm. God wants us to be completely HOT, ALL-IN for him. He would rather us be cold or not on board this "Jesus boat" at all than be lukewarm. It has been very challenging and the thing that I have been challenged with the most is loving people. Let me rephrase that...loving difficult people. Truthfully, I would rather avoid them. I don't like to hear complaining, I don't to be around people who are grouchy or who are going to bring me down, rob my joy. I don't like fakers...either you are all in or not. I don't like people who are selfish are just out for themselves. I tend to see right through people.

With that said, I know it is something I need to work on. Looking back at Galatians 5:22 and 1 Cor 13:4, I need to remember patience and kindness when dealing with these types. I need to not get irritable.

So my goal for this next year is to love the difficult to love people that come my way. Never a better time to start than now, right? Shed the old and put on the new!

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

Peaks and Valleys

2011-12-31T09:21:00.001-05:00

So...it's been awhile. I used to love to write but now it's so hard for me. I don't love it anymore. Not sure what happened but I'm forcing this just to wrap up the year. I've been thinking a lot lately about how I want to want to blog again but it's just not there...

2011...what a year!

We ended 2010 in quite a deep valley when we discovered the curve in Cali's back. We didn't really know what we would face on the road ahead and it's often the unknown that is so scary.

What we would learn is that you must go through the valleys to stand upon the mountain tops.

Ironically, that comes from a song by Third Day. We were blessed to get to not only see them in concert but to meet them back stage with our friends, the Bannon's.

And speaking of mountaintops, we got to stand atop a real mountain as we traveled to Colorado this summer with our friends, the Bowers'.

So to sum it up, it was definitely a year of peaks and valleys.

As I look back, I remember sitting on the beach and being shocked by seeing the curve in Cali's spine. I panicked but I did what I knew to do...I drew closer to God. It was a defining moment in my faith for sure as I had definitely drifted to point of just coasting and being comfortable in where I was.

That trial pulled me into God's word and made me rely on prayer more that I ever had in my life. This was my baby girl. I would have done anything I could to take the deformity away from her but it was simply out of my control. There was nothing I could do...but pray and trust.

Looking back, I see how God has been faithful all through this trial and I know He will be all the way through. Even though we are praying for Cali's back to be straightened and that hasn't happened, she has remained relatively pain free and the curve is really only noticeable to us.

And while her curve has gotten worse despite the fact that we are praying for God to straighten her spine, we still know and trust that God's plan is perfect. We may not understand it and it may not be the path that we would choose but, since we can't control it, we will go with it and make the best of it.

Whatever 2012 brings, we will go with it. January 26th is her appointment with Dr. Didelot and I'm guessing at that appointment he will make the call of surgery or no surgery. In July, she was at 48 degrees. He said at 55 degrees, we would be facing surgery. We took her to a chiropractor for four months just to try to be proactive. We didn't want to do the "wait and see" approach.

Whatever the call, we will know that God will have a purpose and we will make it through it.

Facelift

2011-10-21T08:57:00.000-04:00

Just gave the blog a facelift...maybe that will help? I was so bored with it...

A Walk Around the Block

2011-08-17T12:14:00.001-04:00

Today was the first day of school. Cali is in 7th, Cam in 5th and Christen in 1st. After dropping them off, I thought I'd start the morning off with a workout but when I got to Wabash, it was closed. So I came home, grabbed my ipod and walked around the block. In doing this, I walked around Tuttle and Hoover and the thought came to me, "pray for these schools". So I did. Everything that came to mind, every person, I prayed for as I circled the building...

As I circled Tuttle, I prayed for: the building, the teachers, the students, Jay and Jason as they lead, the counselor, for Cali's teachers, for Cali's friendships, for the athletic teams, for Cali to be a light and a leader, for her to be bold and courageous enough to stand up for what is right, for her to not engage in gossip or drama, for her to stay focused and maintain balance with schoolwork, sports, and social activities, that she is always kind and thoughtful and that everything she does, says and thinks is pleasing to God...

For Cam at Hoover, I prayed for the staff and for Cam's teacher, for his class and for his former classmates, that he can be a leader and stand up to anything that comes his way, that he always chooses the right path, that he can be a light in the way he speaks and acts and that he too chooses to always be pleasing to God in every way.

God must've been working on me though as I circled the schools as many things came to mind that I prayed for myself...help me to be organized at home, help me to be a good mom and housewife, help me to steer clear of gossip and meddling where I don't belong, help me to not think an unkind thought or speak an unkind word and convict me swiftly when I do and help me to mend relationships that have been torn in the past. Help me to like the unlikable and be bold in the way I interact with others, help me to keep my family in check and not get unbalanced or overwhelmed with too much of anything.

Our goal is to please God with our thoughts and words and actions every day.

As I was finishing up my walk, I was listening to Third Day's Mountain of God and this part stuck out...
'Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn't ever make it
Without You

I can't imagine going day in and day out without God right there by my side, reminding me what to do, what to say, what not to say and so on.

Tattoo Revelation

2011-08-05T08:52:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I am amazed at how God speaks to me.

This past week we visited Holiday World. Cali, Cameron and I were in line to ride the Pilgrim's Plunge and I see this guy with this huge tattoo that says, I can do all things through Christ. I didn't really think anything of it. Cool that he wants to display his faith in that way...not for me but cool that he wants to. And then I was scanning his body for other tattoos and saw a bar code and whether that brought this verse to mind or it just came to me, I don't know, but God just planted this in my mind:

"Take this cup from me, not my will but yours be done."

I knew that was what Jesus said to God as he was hanging on the cross. I just kept repeating it to myself and I knew exactly what God was trying to say to me...

Last week we watched the last video in our summer series. It was on Prayer by Andy Stanley and it was on unanswered prayers. It was perfect timing since we had just been to the doctor with Cali and her back had gotten worse, not better EVEN THOUGH WE HAD PRAYED!

Andy Stanley taught on The Lord's Prayer. Specifically, this week was focused on the your will be done part. It's not just something we say. It is supposed to be something we mean. But sometimes that is hard if it means pain and suffering...

And sometimes God may want to change us through the situation for which we are praying. Uggh.

So I've been praying, "God, please heal Cali's back, please heal Cameron's heart, please heal my dad and so on"...but now I'm praying, "God, please reveal to me what you want me to learn through this so that I can surrender it to you."

Already, it has been revealed.

Pride-pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself.

When our kids are born, we look for 10 fingers and 10 toes and then make sure there are no other imperfections. We want our kids to be perfect!

Don't get me wrong. I'm not like a pageant mom or a psycho soccer mom and I know that every gift that my kids have is from God but sometimes I swell up a little bit with pride. I love to watch them play sports and honestly I am proud of them. They are good kids. But...

am I too focused on the what ifs? What if Cali's back continues to get worse? Will sports be over? What if Cam's heart murmur keep him from high school sports?

That's when I hear God say, Be still and know that I am God.

There is nothing I can do and there is no reason to worry or dwell on something that is out of my control but in the meantime, I can try to change in the way that God wants me to.

With Cali, I want to surrender her to God and say, "not my will but yours" but I'm not there yet. I am still in a battle. I still want my will done. But I'm close. If I have my hand wrapped around her, God has pryed three fingers away.

I just have to keep praying...Luke 22:42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”

Bible

2011-08-03T08:39:00.001-04:00

http://mobile.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%2022:42&version=NIV1984

Sent from my iPhone

What If God Doesn't Answer the Way You Want Him To?

2011-07-29T09:56:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I wrestled with this question. I prayed, we all did. It's our impossible prayer but God didn't answer. He didn't answer the way we want it answered. Not yet anyway. So what does that mean?
I have two choices. I can turn away and say God must not really exist or I can persevere and keep at it and cling to the truths that I know from his word.
Is it ok to question? I think so. I think that is part of the relationship that we have with God. He wants us to discuss matters with Him.

God set the groundwork for us as we sat in the waiting room. Kids in wheelchairs rolling in...I whispered to Cali, "scoliosis doesn't seem so bad, huh?" I felt blessed that my daughter could walk and only had scoliosis.
So then the doctor sees us. Cali feels fine. She doesn't have any pain or issues with her back. Praise God for that. She doesn't see it either and truthfully unless you study her, you don't notice. But I do. And she's my baby. And I don't want there to be anything wrong with my babies. Dr. Didelot asked Cali what she thought and she told him that she thought she was getting better. He said, "well, actually it's getting worse." Bummer! Her curve went from 38 degrees to 48 degrees in 6 months. If it continues to progress to around 55, then surgery will be likely and surgery for Cali means reduction in motion due to a wedged shaped vertebrae. So likely, no more sports. Crushing thought for us.
So, now what? We sort through the thoughts and emotions and get re-focused on being intentional about praying about this.
Some of my thoughts were:
*This is scoliosis. It's not life threatening. BUT, when it's your child, when it's your trial, it doesn't matter what it is. It's hard. It's painful and it's trying....that's why it's called a trial.
*Why didn't God answer? Maybe He just hasn't answered YET. Or maybe this will be Cali's thorn...His grace is sufficient for her...His power is made perfect in her weakness. Do I like it? NO. Do I have any control over it? NO.
*Why? Why Cali? I'll take this. Brian said he'd take this. Why my baby girl? We live in a sin cursed world and that is why we have all of the "yuck". I don't know why Cali. I'm not God but I do know that we are promised that there will be a day with no more tears, no more pain and no more fears.
*Often when someone is in a trial and can't seem to overcome, no matter what the trial is, I ask, "what is your relationship with God like?" So I had to ask myself that question, and Cali...
Yesterday as we were driving home, I was praying for the perfect song to come on KLove. Laura Story's Blessings came on.
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
Sometimes God doesn't answer our prayers the way WE want them answered. For sure He knows what is best for us.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:9
And of course the usual comforting scriptures came to mind:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. Romans 8:28-29
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4

Basically, we just need to persevere in prayer and keep the faith that God is going to do great things with Cali. I don't know what or how or when but His timing is perfect. It may not be the way I want or when I want or how I want but I will trust in the God who grants me peace and comfort and understanding. I will trust in knowing that He hears my prayers and that He knows my baby girl's every need.

The Narrow Path

2011-07-06T22:21:00.000-04:00

While we were in Colorado, we rode horses and often we rode through the mountains and forests on these narrow, narrow trails. It was a bit scary for me because not only did I want to make sure my horse stayed on the path, I also wanted to make sure the rest of my family stayed on the path. I often looked back to make sure that everyone was ok and that no one's horse had slipped off the path.

A verse came to mind as I was traveling along those narrow paths:

Matthew 7:14 But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it.

An interesting thing about the woods in Colorado is that it is not very pretty. It really made me appreciate our lush green forests that we have in Shades and Turkey Run. The forests in Colorado had a lot of dead and dying brush and trees; not a lot of green...not a lot of life. Granted, they have the mountains, just not beautiful forests.

As I put the two together, the narrow path and the dead and dying all around, I thought of it being much like the parables of the narrow road and the fruits of the vine.

Matthew 7:13-15 says “You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it.

I thought about me being on that narrow path and not wanting to get off of it and not wanting my loved ones to fall either because along the narrow path are the dead and dying...they are perishing. Sometimes we would navigate steep hills will loose rocks and sometimes a horse would slip...but it would get back on the path. Sometimes the horse would do what it wanted to do and venture a different direction and we'd have to work extra hard to get it back on that path.

And all of that dead and dying brush are perfect ingredients for a forest fire. That made me think of the parable of the Rich Man and Lazaraus and Smokey the Bear, "only you can prevent forest fires." Only you can decide if you are going to stay on the path!

I think of the narrow road verse often as I'm out and about...seems to come to mind every time I am at Wal-mart for some reason. And at ballgames.

We are not to judge people or their hearts but we will know them by their fruits.

Galatians 5:22-23 says But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

It's a dark, dark world out there and it seems that fewer and fewer are choosing the narrow path. It's not easy but it is filled with blessings.

Wind River Ranch-A "Perfect" World

2011-06-20T08:43:00.005-04:00

We just returned from Colorado. We spent a week at Wind River Ranch in Estes Park, Colorado.

One word...AMAZING!

I must confess that while I wasn't dreading the trip, I wasn't totally stoked for it. You see, it's not a beach and I don't ride horses and mountain climbing is really not my thing and...

Well, let's just say I had to get out of the boat and getting out of the boat never felt so good.

I learned a lot about myself.

I did ride horses almost every day and while I don't think I'll be pushing to go out and buy a horse or find one to ride (as I'm still a little sore in places:), I loved the experience of riding through the mountains and learning about their nature. I loved seeing the relationship between the wranglers and the horses and loved hearing the story of how they liken getting a horse to submit is like us submitting to God.

I did climb a mountain and the smallest one was good enough for me. I decided that I was not one who had to stand at the top to appreciate God's beauty. Rather, I could observe it from afar and know that the one who created me also created the mountains surrounding me. It's similar to the ocean and me...I don't have to go in to know it's there. I just love the beauty of it.

But it was so much more than about horses and mountains.

For one week, we lived in the world in which God planned for us to live. It was perfect!

We didn't have to worry about a thing. We were served and the people who were serving us were happy to be doing so. We never had to worry about our kids because they were with people who were truly gifted in taking care of them or quite honestly, they could just run free. There was no fear of anything bad happening to them because we were in this "perfect" world. There were no keys to the doors because there was no need to lock your door. You just felt safe because of the people you were around. There was no drinking, no cussing, no rude or lewd behavior, no fighting among kids, no fighting among spouses. I never once saw kids disrespect their parents.

While I was ready to get home, reality hit me as I dropped off our rental car at the airport when a mom just lit into her daughter for putting her medication into her baggage that got checked. She yelled at her so loud that I'm sure the people on the mountain tops could hear. And then I knew...we were not at the ranch anymore.

Cali and I were watching people come off the airplane in Denver and I commented, "these people don't look like the people at the ranch." and she said, "they don't have joy on their faces."

That was it.

It was so evident that the people at the ranch were true followers by their joy!

Ephesians 4-5 kept coming to my mind during the week.

What I loved is that most people had a story and it was often one that you could relate to whether it be past sin or illness or struggles that told how Christ came in and changed their lives.

Ephesians 4:21-24 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.

Another thing I loved is that there were no denominations. Unless you asked where someone went to church, you had no idea if they were Baptist, Catholic, Presbyterian, Methodist or whatever. You just knew they were a Christian and you could tell by they way they acted...by their fruit.

Matthew 7:20 Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.

Ephesians 4:4-6 For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all.

John 15:7-9 But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father.

“I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love.

Ephesians 5:3-9 Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.

Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him. Don’t participate in the things these people do. For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.

Clearly the people at the ranch knew God's word and lived this way. It was as breathtaking as the view.

I would have loved to have stayed in that perfect world but I think the trip was to give me a glimpse of what heaven will be like. We as believers are supposed to go out into the dark world and shine our light so that non-believers will come to the light.

As I saw almost immediately after stepping foot off the ranch, we have our work cut out for us but we are fully equipped and the rewards are great.

Wow! It's crazy out there!

2011-05-16T11:59:00.002-04:00

So I haven't blogged for awhile. I have been kind of busy moving and getting the house in order and lots of kids activities and so on...

It's crazy out there! I cannot believe all the stuff that is swirling around...

Marriages are falling apart, illnesses, wayward children, affairs...like I have never seen it!

Phone calls, texts, inboxes on facebook...can you help?

You know what? We would love to! The question is, do they want help? Because if they don't want help, if they think they can do it on their own then what we have to say will fall on deaf ears.

People have to realize their need and surrender before we can help them. Pretty much they have to hit rock bottom...or close. That may be by hurting physically, financially, emotionally or what have you but that is typically when people will actually listen to what we have to say and put it in to practice. That is when they will say, "you know what, I have tried every other way and it hasn't worked...I'm going to give this a try."

It is sad to see people hurting but it is such a joy to see them at that surrendering moment...when they say, "God, I can't do this on my own, I need YOU!" It is awesome to see them see the light at the end of the tunnel and experience the joy and hope that is provided in doing life God's way.

Almost every weekend we get a text or an inbox from someone wanting us to help someone else and that's great but until that someone else decides that he or she needs help and needs to change, there's really not a lot we can do. We can reach out to them, we can pray that God works on their heart but they have to WANT to make the change.

Today it was interesting that my daily Bible reading was John, chapter 5 where Jesus heals the man who can't walk. My proverbs 31 devotion was based on the same chapter of John and same concept...have faith, get up, live your life for me and get on with it...

It really is that simple. Trust me, I know.

I have been the one down on the ground saying, "I can't do this."

And I have been the one that Jesus said, "pick up your mat and walk...now you are well, stop sinning before something worse happens to you."

Choosing to put God a the center of your life might not seem appealing but I can tell you the blessings that it brings are amazing!

Unknown

2011-03-26T20:40:00.002-04:00

Yesterday's word of the day was UNKNOWN. I could not for the life of me figure out why that one kept popping into my head. Every once in awhile, the phrase, MAKE IT KNOWN would come to me but I didn't have a verse that struck me as familiar. The only one close was the one about Give praise to the LORD, proclaim his name;
make known among the nations what he has done. Psalm 105:1

So when I used my handy, dandy keyword search on Biblegateway.com and searched UNKNOWN, the verse that popped out at me was this: But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come. Mark 13:32

When I tied those two together, I gathered that we are to make it known to everyone what God has done for us because we do not know when the last hour will come.

Makes complete sense!

Amazed

2011-03-24T11:57:00.003-04:00

I have just been amazed at how the Holy Spirit has worked in me in the past few weeks. God knows me and knows my life and how way too busy I am so each day He has been putting ONE WORD in my head and that word has stuck throughout the day. I think about that word and what is going on in my life. How does that word relate to scripture and apply to my family, my marriage, my children, my church, how I'm serving and so on? It's so amazing how God's word will always point to something that I need to look at. I just wish I had time to blog my "word of the day" and what I am learning through God's word. It has been awesome. Maybe I will get there someday? Gotta go, the phone is ringing, boxes need packed, laundry needs folded, dishes need put away and so on...just thought I'd share about how amazed I've been at God and His awesome wisdom:)

Some of my "words" recently and the scripture I've gone to:

TRUTH-Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32
CONFIDENCE-So we say with confidence,

“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?” Hebrews 13:6

FIRM-Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel. Philippians 1:27

OVERCOME-Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:21

One Word

2011-03-15T09:09:00.002-04:00

Often the way I feel God speaks to me is I'll have one word stuck in my head and I'll say it over and over until I figure out what God is pointing me to. Often it is a verse. Sometimes it is a song. Nevertheless, it is always fitting for whatever is going on.

For example, yesterday the word was EVIDENT. I knew there was a verse with that evident in it so I typed it in the keyword search on Gateway.com and sure enough, there were a few...but the verse I was looking for was Philippians 4:5...Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. I knew exactly what God was telling me.

And this morning's word(s) of the day...COAL HEAPER...I knew exactly where to go as I had remembered a devotion in my Mom's Devotional Bible about the way to destroy an enemy is to make him your friend...and the verses to go along with it, Romans 12:9-21
9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

So I'm thinking...ugggghhh

and then...Do everything without complaining and arguing...Philippians 2:14

Alright, Alright...I get it!

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

2011-03-14T11:03:00.006-04:00

They warned me I would see this...

I remember sitting down with people who had been in ministry and they told us that we would see it all....the good, the bad and the ugly.

And of course I, who tends to live in an imaginary bubble thought..."oh, we won't see any bad or ugly."

Wrong!

What I can say though is that the good far outweighs the bad. We have been blessed in so many ways. I remember Janet Jones telling us that people would do things for us that we could never dream of. She wasn't kidding. We have done some amazing things just in the past 6 months and God has opened doors that we have been knocking on for years...it was just His timing.

God is good all of the time and even in the midst of trial I need to remember to stay focused and not get discouraged or not to get mad or not to get upset or whatever...just to keep on keeping on...I know that He will bring good out of every trial that we are facing...no matter how bad or how ugly.

Sometimes these bad and ugly situations can consume me to the point where I really have to turn it over to God...otherwise I become a slave to them (2 Peter 2:19).

Last week I woke up with the phrase W.W.J.D. in my mind. How would Jesus handle this situation? And then I started thinking about sitting down with Jesus in a job interview type setting and I started imagining all of these questions being thrown at me and him saying, "you know, I know how you are doing by your fruits but let's talk about them anyway..."

I love that parable about the fruits.... I love Matthew 7.

Right then and there, I knew I need to take the plank out of my eye and move on from there.

So.....

I must be patient. This too shall pass. Not everything is going to be as I hope or plan. Not everyone is going to like me. In fact, some things might be down right disappointing and sad and people will let me down. But that is life and thankfully we are fully equipped to deal with the good, the bad and the ugly.

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work. 2 Tim 3:16-17 NLT

This is where the healing begins...

2011-03-07T12:37:00.006-05:00

Well, a lot has happened in the last three months...

In December, we headed to Florida for a relaxing get away and it turned out to be quite a life changing experience! We needed a break from all of the hustle and bustle. We run and run and run all of the time and quite honestly, we were exhausted! We were too tired to even go Christmas shopping. We just wanted to get away. Our plan was to just get away to the sunshine state and just spend some time together. No practices, no games, no distractions, no schedule...just us.

The first few days were great. The weather was nice and warm. Our set up was perfect as the condo was free. We had kept it a surprise for the kids so that was exciting and the trip to Disney was still to come. What could go wrong?

I'll never forget that vacation! It was such a defining moment for me. I can point to so much that happened on that vacation and say, "that was all God..."

Wow! Not understanding it at the time but looking back, I see! And I still don't like everything that I have been dealt, but I get it and I'm on the right track and I see how God has worked everything out and is continuing to work everything out.

So looking back, this is what I remember and this is where we are today:

I remember that moment on Sanibel Island where we first noticed Cali's back. It made me sick to my stomach to look at it. It made me sick to think about what might be, what could happen, etc. Could she end up "deformed"? Could she have to have surgery? I just remember worry CONSUMING me and I totally didn't trust that God would take care of this and I was really questioning God...why Cali? why not me? And then we had to go through the rest of the vacation not knowing. Not fun. Thought about it day and night.

And then there was my dad...he could barely walk. He was in pain and stumbling and there was not a single thing I could do to help him. Just pray.

There is no coincidence that the place I feel closest to God is when I am in the sun and especially when I am near the ocean and that's just where I happened to be. I love it. I love being out in creation but the ocean is tops for me. So one day, I took a walk and just cried out to him as I looked out and I asked, "why?"

Of course, he didn't answer me in a way that I could hear but I knew that I had drifted away from him in my busyness. I knew that I had put God toward the bottom of my to-do list. I just wasn't making time for him and his word like I used to. It wasn't a priority for me anymore. And it showed by the way I was handling my trials.

So the next morning I woke up early, I opened up my Bible and just read...nothing in particular, just read. And then I prayed about my dad and Cali. It was that morning that God put the idea to push Dr. Mathison on getting my dad into see Dr. Gorup. And he did. And he has already had surgery and he is feeling better and is doing physical therapy. He is on his way to healing and I have seen so much joy restored in him.

And Cali, we don't know if she is getting better yet but I know that this trial is making us rely on God because the only way this is going to be fixed is by way of a miracle...aka God.

This year we are reading through the Bible again but we could opt to read through the New Testament only, if we struggled with reading the whole thing last year...that was me. But the New Testament reading plan was doable for me and I vowed to stick with it. I have and I will. Every morning, I do my reading and I read my Proverbs 31 devotion. I am amazed at how much better I am in dealing with these trials. I am so happy to be back knowing that I may fail or falter again but knowing that God always takes me back...no matter what.

Like I said, a lot has happened in the last three months...Brian has even been to Israel and back! This year our church is doing the year of prayer and we were to come up with "impossible prayers". So our family came up with prayers and wrote them out and Brian tucked them in the Western Wall in Jerusalem. My prayers focused on healing (for lots of people) but that word encompasses so much. In my Bible reading, I am just through Matthew and getting into Mark...there are so many stories of healing. Coincidence? I think not:) One of my prayers was for my migraines to end...I can't even tell you the last time I had one. I have had starts of them which, usually when I feel that, they come on, but it's as though they are being blocked...and then they go away. It is a strange feeling. And, to see the healing in my dad...awesome. I can't wait to see what God does with Cali...until then, we will lean on him and trust him!

We are Moving!

2011-01-27T06:12:00.003-05:00

Just when I thought our plan was all figured out, it changed. I love how God works! I love how God speaks when you ask Him to and when you listen, He can be loud and clear!

Since September, we have been renting the most amazing property. It sits on about 10 acres just a mile outside of town. Actually, it is 1.2 miles from our church. It is a great location for us.

It all came about when we sold our house last summer and we were getting down to crunch time. I had been looking for a place to rent but could not come up with anything suitable. That's when Janet Jones mentioned to me that her parents may be interested in renting to us as their house had been on the market but they didn't want it to sit empty over the winter. So we inquired and it all worked out.

The house is in Southmont school district but since we started the year in Crawfordsville, then we didn't have to pay tuition for first semester but if we didn't buy a house or start building a house by 2nd semester, then we would have to pay tuition. Our original plan was to build a house in Ashton Run and then move from here (our rental) in the spring so the Roberts could get it back on the market. Well, we had to scrap that Ashton plan when the quote came back way higher than what we were willing to pay (granted it was a big house!).

But for awhile, I wondered if our temporary home wasn't meant to be our future permanent home. We and by we, I mean all of us, love it out here. It's a little bit out in the country but not so far out to where you can't get to town quickly. And the property...oh my goodness, I have never been so in love with a place! It has just about everything. It has wooded, hilly acreage with a little stream running through it. We hiked it so many times this fall. We felt like we had a state park in our back yard! It has lots and lots of yard. The kids played and played...football, flashlight tag...Cali had a birthday party bonfire with almost 40 kids and we had plenty of room! And there's a big hill that they sled down in the winter. And I can't forget the Iron Man...that was one of the most amazing weekends that we had here! Who would have thought that dirt bikes, four wheelers and dust could have been so much fun but it was a blast. The Iron Man Race runs right behind our house so we could sit in our back yard and watch a lot of the action. We had over 60 people in and out that weekend just to check it out. We had food, fun, fellowship and four wheelers! It was great!

After having looked for a house for years that fit my criteria, I had just about given up. I felt perfectly content here. I had always wanted a new house but I loved it here but I was also praying, "God, reveal to me if we are supposed to stay here or not." And then the revelations started pouring in, like....

you know how busy you are in the summer, do you really think Brian has time for that yard and especially since he doesn't have a riding lawn mower?
do you really want to pay tuition?
your husband is good at a lot of things but you know he is not a handy man and you know he doesn't like to spend money...you may be content now but what happens when want to update your kitchen or your bathrooms?

And then a call from our realtor came in. There was a house that they wanted to show us on Durham Drive. Interestingly enough, it was new(er) and in our price range. So we looked at it. As soon as I walked in the front door, I knew. I knew it was the one! We looked it over, went home and talked it over and probably would have made an offer that day but Brian went to the Purdue game. So the next day, we went for it. They countered and we accepted.

I remember Janet Jones telling me right as we were getting ready to go into ministry that we would see blessings in ways that we could never dream or imagine possible.

This rental house has been one of them! And finding our "new" house is another.

In the past few days, these few verses have stayed at the front of my mind:

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! Ephesians 3:20 The Message

Enjoy serving the Lord,
and he will give you what you want. Psalm 37:4 NCV

Serving God does make us very rich, if we are satisfied with what we have. 1 Timothy 6:6 NCV

Ephesians 3:20

2011-01-22T07:40:00.003-05:00

A little more than a week after Cali's appointment with Dr. Didelot, we are marching to the beat of a different drum. It's amazing what the unknown does to you. Now we know what is ahead and we are ready to face it...fearlessly!

We walked into our appointment last Thursday, not knowing what we were going to hear. Would it be surgery? Would it be a brace? Would it be that they couldn't do anything? Would it get worse? Could it get better? All these questions swirled in our minds...

Dr. Didelot was very nice and explained everything to us. He told us that he was going to put her in a brace in which she would sleep at this point. He didn't want to do surgery because she has a wedged shaped vertebrate which she has probably had since birth and since they fuse the spine, that wedged vertebrate complicates things for surgery. It would limit her mobility for sure. She would lose the motion that she needs to twist for pitching and she wouldn't be able to dive into a pool or tumble and twist like a normal kid where as with the curve she has now which is 40 degrees, she can do everything. There are no limits or restrictions. He said she could even bear children with this curve. Cali thought that was a little strange of him to say but I assured her that he meant when she was older and married:) He didn't say that surgery was not out of the question; just not the best option for her. So the hope is that this brace, which she has to wear for 2+ years (because that's how much growth he estimated she still had) will stop the curve from getting worse. So we had her measured for her brace. She should get it this week. It is a hard, plastic case. She'll have a hard time getting used to it but she will. Nothing a little Simply Sleep can't cure:)

He said it probably won't get better but in rare cases, he has seen them improve.

Perfect timing...

This year our church is doing the Year of Prayer and we have been challenged to ask God to do things that "probably won't happen", things that seem impossible, miracles...

K-Love, the radio station I listen to all the time also challenged us to pick one word to describe what we are praying for this year. My word is HEALING. This word encompasses so much.

My prayer for the impossible is that Cali's back is healed, straightened, fixed, cured. My prayer for healing covers so many others: my dad and his neck/back/leg/feet issues, Brian's high blood pressure/high cholesterol, Cameron's heart murmur, Marlene's heart and diverticulitis, the spiritual healing of friends and family, continued healing of relationships.

Yesterday I took Christen to the doctor. She has strep throat or as she calls it, "shrek throat". She asked if God would take it away. I told her that there was a picture of Jesus in Dr. Mathison's office watching over a surgery. I told her that He was the Master Healer. She made sure that I showed her that picture.

I thought of Jeremy Camp's song, Jesus Saves where it says:
You save, you heal, restore, reveal
Your Father's heart to us

I have been so amazed though this whole Cali thing...from the time we noticed the curve, the very second...how God revealed himself to me. Like not for one second did I have to ask why did this happen...because I knew. I hated it. I still do, but I knew.

I don't know what God's purpose is for Cali or for anyone else but I knew that I had drifted off...dangerously far off. I thought that as long as I was joining in the family prayer at night, me and God were good. Do I think God is punishing me? Absolutely NOT! Do I feel like he was saying, "I want what we used to have back"? YES!!!

Call it what you will, but I'm not kidding...sitting in the recliner in the condo in Florida the day after we noticed Cali's back and I just picked up my devotional Bible and read and felt so peaceful and so comforted. It was then that I just prayed for healing for Cali and for my dad and it was there that the idea came into my head to send Dr. Mathison an email and how I remembered seeing that I could do that from a poster in his office had to be a "God thing". But from that email came a phone call from Dr. Mathison and then a Dr. appointment with Dr. Gorup for my dad who seems to be on the right path of getting him fixed. So all the praise goes to God! Amazing!

Our church has also been challenged to stay in God's word. I failed miserably last year when it came to reading through the entire Bible. I just couldn't get through the Old Testament but this year we have the option of reading through the New Testament in a year. This is definitely something I can do. So far, I haven't missed and what is awesome is much of Matthew is about Jesus HEALING...How cool is that?

Anyway, there's a lot of rambling and randomness in this post but you get the picture. God has been amazing in the way he has drawn us back in and I can tell you that prayers are being answered and I believe that He can accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Eph 3:20

I am here!

2011-01-12T13:21:00.002-05:00

Well, today we are one day closer to Cali's doctor's appointment. All of her paperwork is filled out, her teachers have been notified that she will miss most of the day and yesterday I picked up her x-rays. I wasn't sure I wanted to see them. You know me, I live in this fantasy world of if I don't look at them, they won't really show that she has a curve in her spine. But I did look at them and while it was disturbing to see, I'm glad I did. I feel like I needed today to mentally prepare for tomorrow...and we have no idea what to expect tomorrow.

So today, I'm taking some time to clean and just think. The funny thing about this bird is that for awhile the birds have been gone (probably because I haven't been feeding them). But I love and I mean LOVE the blue jays. They amaze me with their beauty. I don't like birds, I'm not a bird watcher but these blue birds mesmerize me. Well, this morning I made a play list of some of my favorite songs on Itunes. I was just puttering around in the kitchen and one song caught me off guard and brought the tears out. So I look out the window, tears are streaming down my cheeks and here come, not one, not two, but three blue jays. They just sat in the tree and looked in at me. It was as if they were saying, "we understand". And maybe they did understand. After all, a squirrel had just busted open the cage holding the seed and robbed them of all of their joy.

It was at that moment that I "heard" God whisper, "I am here for you...I understand your fears, I won't leave you, I won't leave Cali, I will take care of your dad. Trust me." It was so reassuring.

I put a song on my play list that Cali has been listening to and belting out lately. It's called Never Alone by the Barlow Girls. Part of it says,
And though I can not see you
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

It's that deep reassurance that I will fall back on. I have to. No matter how hard this is or how painful this is, I know I have to trust. I have to rely on that faith that has gotten me to this point.

Scoliosis Swimmer named Saunders

2011-01-09T07:50:00.003-05:00

We were laughing yesterday because Brian was still trying to talk Cali into playing basketball but she said no, She's decided she's going to swim.

What is funny about it is Cali has a lisp when it comes to saying her S's so when we were talking about her having scoliosis and swimming and her name being Saunders and she had a S-curve and so on, it was just funny.

So here's the Ssssscoop...Dr. Mathison Cali called me yesterday morning and said that he had talked to Dr. Didelot. He is the pediatric orthopedic surgeon who will be seeing Cali at St. Vincent's Peyton Manning Hospital. Anyway, Dr. Mathison had told me earlier in the week that Cali's curve was 40 degrees and he was certain that they would want to do surgery and probably sooner than later. I was actually prepared to hear that and somewhat relieved because if it is a battle to get her to brush her teeth and wash her face, I can't imagine what a fight it would be to get her to wear a brace 22 hours a day! It would be much easier to operate and be done with it. And I had talked to people and read a lot about the surgery. If we are going to have to do it eventually, let's do it now before she gets into high school sports. So I'm off on a rabbit trail a bit. Getting back to Dr. Mathison calling me yesterday...he said that 40 degrees isn't necessarily the point at which they do surgery nowadays. It's now 60 degrees. He (Dr. D) said he would have to see the x rays himself and see Cali and make a determination based on her growth, age, where the curve is, etc. So basically we really only know that she does have scoliosis and that her curve is 40 degrees. We go on Thursday to find out more.

Dr. Mathison did say that he was surprised that Cali wasn't in a lot of pain. She's not. At least she doesn't complain. She twists around a lot as though she's trying to pop her back but she's being tough...and she's not my tough kid when it comes to pain and illness.

So again, we wait and pray and pray and wait.

In the meantime, she has decided that she's going to join the swim team:)

Is this real?

2011-01-09T07:27:00.002-05:00

I find myself asking the question, "is this real" every morning when I wake up? Is this life that I am living in right now really mine or is it just a dream?

And then I realize it's real. It's really happening.

It's funny how you can plan your life but when you look back, what you had in mind may not be what God had in mind for you.

Let's look back one year ago...
Brian was working at Cat.
We were living in Greenacres.
I still had Christen at home with me.
My dad had none of the problems he's having now.
Cali was fine.

If you asked me last year what from that list would change in a year's time, I might have said that we would no longer be living in Greenacres just because our house was for sale and I knew Christen would be in Kindergarten so obviously that would change but the job change, the lifestyle change...if you would have told me I was going to live in the "country" and love it, I would have said you were crazy! I never really saw the health changes in my dad and Cali's scoliosis on the radar!

You just never know. It all happened in the blink of an eye. But such is life, Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. James 4:14

So with that in mind, I'm trying to not dwell on the tomorrows. I wake up and realize that yes, this is real and it's going to be okay.

I Can't Do This!

2011-01-05T09:09:00.004-05:00

This morning as I was driving a teary Christen to school, I was thinking, "I can't do this anymore...I DON'T WANT to do this anymore." My prayer was, "Jesus, come back soon!" I told Brian the night before school started that I would like for Him to come back just before I had to get Christen up so I didn't have to fight the teary battle with her.

I'm tired. I'm worn out emotionally. I'm tired of wondering. I just want answers (re: Cali and my dad). I just want it to be over.

And then I looked up as I was pulling away, after my teary Christen got out of the car and I saw a smiling Teresa Ramey in my rear view mirror and I was reminded of God's goodness. I was reminded that God heals. I was reminded that it may not and probably won't be in my time but in His time. I was reminded that the road may not be easy but in the end it will draw me closer to Him.

I was reminded that, I CAN do this.

I love this song...it says it all:

Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Chorus:
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
yeah, yeah,
before the morning,
yeah, yeah

Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory, yeah

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

com'n, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain you've been feeling,
just the dark before the morning
before the morning, yeah, yeah
before the morning

Happy New Year?

2011-01-03T16:10:00.002-05:00

Well, this isn't exactly what I had in mind for the first week of the new year. On New Year's Day (also my birthday), I heard the DJ on K-LOVE say something about the nice thing about a new year is that it is new. There isn't a mark on it. Well, she obviously didn't know what my calendar looked like.

January 3-take Cali to the doctor to see if she has scoliosis
January 4-my dad goes to the doctor to see what is in store for his future.
January 6-Brian goes for a check up. I pray all goes well there. It should. He seems healthy.
January 7-Christen gets her plantar's wart cut out.

Yikes! That's a nasty first week of the year!

And, we have already been to Cali's appointment to confirm her diagnosis. They took X-rays and now we wait for the call from the doctor to determine what is next.

But twice I have seen Philippians 1:6 today which says,And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

I know God is up to something here. I know he will work good out of this. It may be painful but I am rejoicing in this suffering...

Romans 5:3-4 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.

Romans 8:28-29 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.

The Path

2011-01-03T07:31:00.002-05:00

Well, today is the day. Today is the day I have been dreading yet the day that I couldn't wait for it to get here. Today (hopefully) will be the day that will tell a lot of how our next few weeks, months, years even will go. Today is the day I take Cali to the doctor to have her back looked out.

I think the worst part of all of this is the not knowing, the waiting and wondering. How bad is it? What will they do? What? What? What? So many questions without answers...

While at first I was devastated, I have since calmed down. I'm still a little uneasy at times, after all, she is my baby but I am seeing that God has placed several people in our path who have been down the same road with their babies. I am so comforted by that to see that they have been there and they are fine or they are going through it and they are making it just fine.

So I know we will be fine too.

Is it what I want? Absolutely not! But it seems easy compared to what others have gone through with their children.

So, we will face this head on knowing that God is with us as we can already CLEARLY see that He is preparing the path.

Storms in the Forecast

2011-01-01T22:11:00.004-05:00

We just spent 10 days in Florida. In the days before, I spent a lot of time checking the 10-day forecast so I would know what to pack. The forecast looked good for the most part and by that, I mean no rain and warm. There were a few cool days that appeared but by cool I mean 60. That's still shorts weather, right? So I packed. I felt pretty well prepared.

Well then after we arrived, the forecast changed...and quite drastically! We were not at all prepared! I kept checking my phone to see if there was any glimmer of hope; any chance the forecast was wrong. But it wasn't. And it was out of our control. We just had to deal with it and make the best of it.

Not so much unlike the weather are the storms of life. We all face them. We may think we can look ahead and see what is coming but out of nowhere, it can change. Clouds can move in and a storm can pop up. We can face those with fear or with faith.

During this vacation, we found that not only did we find ourselves unprepared for cold weather in what was supposed to be warm and sunny Florida, we found ourselves in the midst of storms of life.

Storms seemed to be coming from every direction. My dad, Cali and one night we got a call from Brian's brother letting us know that he had their mom in the ER with some health concerns. Thankfully she was ok.

My first reaction when the reality of the storms hit was, "this can't really be happening to me. This can't be happening to MY dad. This can't be happening to MY daughter."

But then I realize that it IS my dad and my daughter and there is nothing I can do to avoid the storm so I must hunker down to ride it out.

After I faced reality, I was mad. I was sad. Why is this happening? I hate that this is happening! I cried. It didn't change anything.

Finally, I cried out to God and decided that I need to fully trust, FULLY TRUST that this will work out for the good...like it or not.

So with that said, this song comes to mind:

I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
that you are who you are
No matter where I am....

"I am God. You are not."

2010-12-23T07:36:00.002-05:00

That's what I keep hearing God say to me as I battle with the things that I cannot control.

We were able to get away these last days of December. We have not had a vacation since October of 2009, even so much as a Holiday World get away so this was much overdue. Granted, we have had a lot going on...a job change, a move, among other things that have kept us from going anywhere. My point is: WE NEEDED A VACATION!

So here we sit in South Florida. The weather has been great. Our condo is free. Who could ask for anything more? I even got to do a little Christmas shopping at a Target with palm trees! Yeah, it was a little slice of heaven!

We have even commented on how it doesn't really seem like Christmas down here because people don't seem all crazy about gift buying. The stores aren't packed. There's no hustle and bustle. The beaches are packed with families and we have just been focusing on us as a family. It's been nice. Real nice. We have seen decorations and heard Christmas music but it's different. Or maybe our focus is different, I don't know...

But there is always something to bring you back to reality.

Our first day on the beach, the kids were building sand castles and Brian noticed that Cali's hips were a little uneven. I wouldn't have noticed it if he hadn't pointed it out but that lead us down the path of wondering, could it be scoliosis? From that point, your mind goes everywhere...from the worst case scenario to, "oh, it's probably nothing...probably just an uneven growth spurt."

Whatever the case, I know that as much as I would like for it not to be my Cali, it is and it is completely out of my control.

Metaphorically, I have been on my knees praying, pleading with God and I am comforted by those same promises that we tell our counselees.

James 1:2 Consider in pure joy...
1 Cor 10:13 No temptation has seized...
Romans 8:28 All...ALL things work for the good...
Romans 5:3 Rejoice in your sufferings...

and so on...

Same thing with my dad. It kills me. Absolutely KILLS me to see him walk with so much pain. I hate it. HATE it! But I can't do a doggone thing about it except turn to my God and pray for him; pray that God provides an answer and healing and know that he (God) is in control and knows what he is doing.

I think of the song by Casting Crowns...If We Ever Needed You, Lord It's Now. That's the song that is ringing in my head. That is my prayer as I surrender everything to the God who is, because I am not.

But God, This is MY Dad!

2010-12-13T07:12:00.004-05:00

This morning I woke up with the song, While I'm Waiting in my head. It was the song that was in Fireproof.

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

Waiting has been the name of the game for us lately as we have been waiting for results for tests to come back to tell us what is going on with my dad.

They say the hardest thing is is to have a sick child. Well, I'm pretty sure having a parent who is suffering with an illness must run a close second.

I must say that I have always been blessed with my health, with the health of my kids and I have always have healthy and active parents. I have have close friends with sick kids and parents but this has never been me. Now it is. Now I find myself crying out to God, saying, "but God, this is my Dad...MY dad!"

So often I come back to the same things, the same promises, the same scripture...

Romans 8:28-29...that God works all things out for the good for those who love him and that he is molding us to be like his son.

1 Corinthians 10:13...that I'm not the first person ever to have gone through a trial. God will get us through this. He's not going to give us more than we can bear.

Back in October, My dad came out for the Iron Man. It's a race that takes place where ATVs and dirtbikes race. He took pictures of the event. He walked the woods and rugged terrain with me and it was a struggle for him to walk. He made the comment that he didn't know what was going on with his legs. I knew at that time that this was serious and that not only was he hurting physically but he was scared. This was his livelihood!

I began to pray.

The next day, I had to serve in the Preschool room. I knew that God was speaking to me. I was amazed that the lesson was on Feet. Of all things, Feet! Patti Emmert read The Foot Book and the kids traced their feet and we talked about how we serve God by using our feet. And then the Bible story that went along with the lesson was the story of the healing of the man who couldn't walk.

Acts 3:2-10
2 Now a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. 3 When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. 4 Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!” 5 So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.

6 Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” 7 Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. 8 He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God. 9 When all the people saw him walking and praising God, 10 they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.

So I remain hopeful that God wants to heal my dad. I continue to pray. I don't want to see him in pain. I don't like to see him like this.

I Want To Do This Right...

2010-11-20T15:53:00.002-05:00

You know what? No one ever said raising kids was easy. No one ever said life was easy! I remember when we brought Cali home from the hospital as a baby. Brian put her in the middle of the living room floor in her infant car seat. We looked at each other and said, "now what?" She didn't come home from the hospital with a manual!

Thankfully, we made it through the diapers and toddler years and even grade school without too many battle wounds but now we are in the middle school/tween years and it's a whole new ball game. We are definitely in need of a manual!

We can sail along for weeks, even months without so much as a bump in the road and then all of the sudden we hit a wall and everything comes crashing down. It seems as though it may be the end of the world for our little tween but thankfully for her, her dad and I have been there.

It's so hard to see your kids learn lessons the hard way; you know, the kind that involves tears and or discipline? There are some days when I wonder if they will ever learn!

But as hard as it is to see them hurting or to discipline them for their actions, it's important to let them learn by falling and by dealing with the consequences of their choices.

Easier said than done.

Rather than coddling, we just love them through everything. Sometimes it's tough love too.

Maybe they didn't come home from the hospital with a manual but God provided us with his word and it tells us that love covers all. So we love them when they do right, love them when they do wrong, love them when they are joyful, love them when they are hurting and sad. Just love them through it.

Cam's First Deer

2010-11-18T22:07:00.002-05:00

Ohhh...The Middle School Drama!

2010-11-17T12:27:00.003-05:00

I have been subbing a couple days a week recently and have found that my favorite place to be is Tuttle. That just happens to be where Cali goes to school. Brian teases me and says that he thinks that if I could be a middle schooler again, I would.

I don't know about that but there is something quite intriguing about that age. It is full of drama, that's for sure! I loved my years at Tuttle and while they were full of ups and downs with emotions and hormones and all of that involved with becoming a teenager, I had a good time during those years.

It's during those years that kids really seem to figure out who they are. It's during that time when they decide which path they are going to take. It's during those years that boys and girls turn into young men and women. It's also during this time that they no longer find the opposite sex "yucky".

It's during this time that tweens want the most independence but it's when they need the most guidance! They think they know everything and they think they can get away with some things but they forget one thing...mom and dad have been in their shoes.

Therefore, we are going to be there to help them make some decisions. We are going to put limits on them and they are not going to like it. It's all coming back to me now...I can hear my parents now, "we are only doing this because we love you." Some of those things you don't get until you have kids and so I know my kids, particularly my little Cali right now, won't get until she has a tween of her own.

It's a scary world out there, that middle school atmosphere! Peer pressure is a powerful force. And kids aren't necessarily encouraging one another to do what I would call "good" things.

Recently, I felt like I needed to reign Cali in and make sure she knew what our expectations were of her. Her grades were good...All A's first 9 weeks but how were her relationships with others?

We started reading a book together called, A Young Woman's Guide to Making Right Choices-Your Life God's Way by Elizabeth George. My main intent in doing this with her was to make sure that she is being a good girl.

What does that mean? Most people looking in from the outside would say, "of course she is being a good girl, she always is." But when we did a check, she was pretty convicted and had the desire to fix some things in her life.

We jumped around and started with the chapters on friendships and relationships. She is blessed to have so many Christian friends. She really does have good friends who I have no doubt would do anything for her. She hasn't had any drama this year to speak of. It has just been a really good year. She has several friends who give her good advice and hold her accountable. We talked about steering clear of those friendships who tried to talk her into doing something that went against her morals and values or they themselves were immoral perhaps in their language or actions.

And as far as the boys go, there is a "no going out on dates one on one rule" in the Saunders home however we know that she is going to develop feelings for boys and vice versa but there are certain qualities that we want her to look for. This book lists them...

1. Godly-look for a guy with a passion for Jesus.
2. Diligent-look for a guy who's a hard worker.
3. Friendly-look for a guy who will be your best friend.
4. Merciful-look for a guy with compassion for others.
5. Encouraging-look for a guy who contributes positively to your growth (in spiritual matters, character development, educational and personal interests).
6. Generous-look for a guy with a giving heart.
7. Kind-look for a guy with a kind heart.
8. Discreet-look for a guy who will protect your reputation.
9. Faithful-look for a guy who keeps his word.

As we have talked about purity, she has learned that it is not only sexual purity that she has to guard against. Life is full of temptation and the target is always going to be her purity, whether it be ethical (lying, cheating), mental (bad thoughts), spiritual or physical/sexual purity. Satan is always out there to try to rob it!

She must put on her full armor of God and flee!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she can't have fun. I'm just saying she has to stay alert!

You Just Never Know

2010-10-22T07:15:00.002-04:00

It's been a long time and truthfully, I've lost that bloggin' feeling. I have been amazed at how God has transformed me, us in the past few months and surprisingly one of the things that I loved to do almost daily just doesn't call me anymore.

Every once in a while, I get the bug. Sometimes I'll be sitting in the car rider line to pick up Christen and I'll type some notes on my phone for a blog but in the past weeks or even months, I just haven't taken the time nor have I had the desire to do it.

But today, I am up early. The kids don't have school because of parent-teacher conferences and so I thought I'd take some time to recap the past few months...

In July, Brian joined the staff at Rock Point Church as the Care and Assimilation Pastor. He left Caterpillar after 4 years. It was a big step of faith for us as we knew the pay would be much different. But we knew that this is where Brian should be and this was a calling that he could not turn down.

Interestingly enough, our house had been on and off the market for about three years. Soon after Brian started at Rock Point, we got an offer that we accepted. God's timing was perfect. He knew how it was all going to work out:)

So at the end of August, we moved into a house that a family in our church was trying to sell. It had been on the market for awhile and they didn't want it sitting empty for the winter so they offered it to us while we built our house. Let me just tell you that this house and the land that it is on is like a retreat! It is so beautiful. The house is great for us too but it is surrounded by trees and acreage and trails and a creek (albeit a little dry right now) and it is just beyond anything we could have ever imagined as far as what our rental would be.

The amazing thing is that friends that are in the ministry told us that as soon as we stepped into this position, we would start to see God's blessings in ways that we would never imagine. I can tell you that that is true. We saw it right away! When you step out in faith and obey God, he will bless you!

I'm out of time right now but rather than saving this for later and maybe not finishing it for awhile, I'll post and hopefully come back and write some more!

2010-10-19T12:48:00.000-04:00

Here I am...

2010-09-14T14:54:00.001-04:00

We still don't have Internet and I am still unpacking and sorting through boxes but we have moved thus the reason for my absence from the blogging world.

Life has been extremely busy with the move. I have been trying to get order in our new home while at the same time trying to keep the same pace that we have always kept. It's been crazy!

I hope to return soon as I have lots to say...:). All good!

Sent from my iPhone

A New Normal

2010-08-18T09:50:00.002-04:00

Well, here I sit...alone...in the quiet...

Do you know how many times I have longed for this? But today, it's not something I am loving. In fact, I have been dreading it.

Today is the day that I sent my baby girl off to kindergarten. All day.

I sit here with plenty to do as we are moving in two weeks but I just feel the need to write, to think and listen to Chris Tomlin.

I feel this heartbreak like I felt when I left Cali when I went back to work when she was a baby. It's hard to describe although I think most moms understand it. It's about letting go. It's hard and it hurts. We have to do this all through their lives with graduation and marriage but we have to let go no matter what pain we feel.

I woke up this morning with a song in my head. Find Your Wings...so let my love give you roots and help you find your wings. I also kept going back to Ephesians 6:4 and Proverbs 22:6 which tells us to train our kids up in the instruction of the Lord. Teach them God's ways.

In our counseling training, we had a whole section on parenting...maybe even two! We were taught that our relationships with our children are temporary unlike our relationships with our spouses which are permanent. We are to let go of our children when they become adults but our spouse is with us forever. We marry our spouse saying, "til death do us part." Our children are a gift from God and his plan is for us to raise them up and send them out so they can find their own spouse. God's plan is good.

But it sure doesn't make it any easier to let go.

I had several verses come over me to comfort me today as I was "grieving".

1 Corinthians 10:13 (New Living Translation)
The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

I thought, I am not the first mom who has ever had to let go of her baby. I am not the first mom who has ever had to send her baby to kindergarten and I won't be the last. God will get her through this and he will get me through this!

Philippians 4:6-7 (New Living Translation)
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

I don't know if I was more worried about her missing me or me missing her but I knew one way or another that we had to get through it. We prayed for God to give Chrissy boldness and courage and to overcome her shyness. I pray that she loves school!

James 1:2-4 (New International Version)
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

You know it's almost shameful for me to call this a trial but to me it is. I haven't been through an illness or a loss that I consider a real trial like some of my friends have but this has been tough for me. I have really had to turn this over to God and trust that all is going to be okay. I have peace and although today I am a little sad because I am missing my little sidekick, I will get through this. But it's not on my own. It's because I have great friends and family who are lifting me up in prayer and she is surrounded by Godly teachers and staff at her school.

This is going to be an adjustment for me but I will get through it. I will find a new normal.

First Day of School 2010

2010-08-18T09:42:00.000-04:00

If You Don't Get This Right...

2010-08-08T06:57:00.005-04:00

I'll get it right for you!

That's kind of what I heard God whisper to my heart yesterday. And then Matthew 6:21 came to mind. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.

Last weekend was really hard for Brian and me as we spent some time out at Fishero watching baseball. We once again visited the fact that our boy does not want to play baseball. We have tried every method to try to coax him back into it. We have tried encouraging, we have tried giving him a break, we have tried bribing him and we have even teased him by telling him if he doesn't play baseball then we are going to sign him up for dance. Nothing works. Nothing will make him want to play. That just kills us because we so love watching him play and love the sport.

He doesn't mind being at Fishero watching his teammates play. He doesn't mind watching baseball. He even keeps score. But the kid who never cares what he's wearing wouldn't wear any shirt that resembled a baseball shirt nor would he wear his baseball hat. He just wants nothing to do with playing the game.

I knew I was being tested last Sunday as I pulled into McDonald's and saw some of his teammates. That should be my boy...I should be going to a baseball game today, I thought. But I wasn't.

And then this weekend was the last tourney of the season at Wingate. We had so hoped that by this point we could have talked him into playing. But even if we had, Satuday morning he woke up with a fever of 104. He couldn't have played anyway.

It was as if God was saying, "Get over it!"

The doctor suspected that it was viral and likely caused by a mosquito, possibly even West Nile Virus. It was at the point when I read the symptoms of West Nile Virus and Encephlitis that it clicked...

I have been so selfish!

When I sit in on counseling cases, 2 Corinthians 5:9 is used A LOT! It says, So we make it our goal to please him... The counselor will ask the counselee if whatever s/he is dealing with is more important than pleasing God and if it is, then s/he needs to re-focus. For instance, is doing drugs, drinking, gambling, etc., more important than pleasing God?

Well, in my case it would be, is Cameron playing baseball more important than following God's rules of being a Biblical parent? Am I being a loving parent? Am I exasperating my child? Is the way I am working Cameron through this pleasing to God? Well, if I have to think about it then I would have to say no.

So I have some things to work on (as if we didn't already know that!), but even more!

While I don't like it when my kids get sick and I especially don't like it when Cam gets a high fever, I am thankful for the trials that God brings our way because there is so much truth in James 1:2-4, Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

So I think I've got it right now...Love God, love Cam and love Cam through this whole baseball thing...no matter what!

Monday, Monday

2010-08-03T07:01:00.002-04:00

For the past 8 Mondays, Brian and I have been driving up to Lafayette for counseling training at Faith Baptist Church. We have 3 more to go.

When I signed up to do it, I did it thinking there may be times when Brian may have to counsel a female and may need me in the room just because you can't have a male counselor with a female counselee. That was the only reason. I never felt like I would counsel. Never resisted going to the training but never felt like I was going for me. I felt like I was going to support him.

I have to say now that it ranks up there as one of there best things I have ever done in my life as far as growing spiritually! I can't tell you how much I have learned and how much I have been transformed in what has been a transforming summer!

We have had learned about parenting, marriage, depression, guilt and will learn about trials and suffering, anger and divorce. The teaching is incredible. But the best part is sitting in on the actual counseling cases with the counselors.

My cases have included marriage counseling, personal struggles, drug and alcohol addictions...and one case, you name it, she had it! Wow! There wasn't anything I could have added to her case to make it more complicated, more heartbreaking. Many of these people had been arrested or been in jail or been abused or basically hit ROCK BOTTOM and that's why they were seeking help. Most had already sought help from a secular counselor or treatment program too.

It has been amazing to me to see these people's lives and their situations change. They change because they want to change and they are doing their homework which is all based on God's word.

Last night, I had two extremes...a young man, his story was one of he wanted to get out of the rut of drug and alcohol addiction. He had been arrested and lost his job because of it. He wanted to change his life. He had been doing his homework, he had been going to church, he had been sharing with friends that he was going to counseling to get help, he was excited to change but he couldn't remember a time when he had ever asked God to forgive him of his sins and to have Jesus come into his life and be his Lord and Savior...so last night with the counselor, he prayed that prayer. He was so excited to start anew. He said, "I'm gonna remember this day forever!" He even remembered the time. 7:05 on August, 2. It was a sweet, sweet moment to see someone do that.

And then my last session, a marriage in crisis...clearly the husband had not done the homework. He does not appear to be working on wanting to change according to what a biblical husband should look like and so the marriage remains in crisis and the counseling session was tense and there were no moments of celebration.

They have to want to change and they have to put forth the effort. If they put forth the effort, God's word will not fail them. It is good. I have seen people change in the 8 weeks I have been there. People can and do change but only with Christ.

There are some verses that come up in every case:

1 Corinthians 10:13 (New American Standard Bible)

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

meaning, you are not the first person to go through this. Others have battled this too. God will give you what you need to get through this.

2 Corinthians 5:9 (New International Version)
So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.

meaning, whatever you do, wherever you go, your first goal should be to please God. You should ask yourself before doing something or saying something, "is God going to be pleased with me when I do this or say this?"

Romans 8:28-29 (New International Version)

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.

what I have learned about this verse is that people think that all things work for the good but it clearly says that all things work for the good of those who love him. Through trials God transforms us and draws us in closer to him so that we will desire to be more like his son.

It's awesome, amazing.

Not that I didn't believe but I felt the truth Hebrews 4:12 yesterday, For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. As we were being lectured on the topic of guilt, I felt that sword piercing me as I felt guilty for how harsh I had been with Cali. So I called her on my lunch break and sought her forgiveness and she sought ours for her wrongdoing.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 (New Living Translation)
All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.

It's all good. So good!

So How's It Going?

2010-07-28T07:23:00.004-04:00

That seems to be the question everyone has been asking me. How's the job change going? How's your summer going?

It's going.

Things have been interesting around here this summer to say the least. I haven't blogged for awhile and there's a reason for that.

We have had a bit of a rebellious summer and then it turned into a wall building summer and now that we are getting the hang of things, we are tearing down the walls and becoming more normal again. Let me try to explain...

I think it all started with us seeing a rebellious attitude in Cameron. He was talking back to us. He was not being kind. He would not shake hands with kids on the ball field when they hit a homerun or had a nice play. He actually threw his helmet after getting thrown out one game. Brian had to pull him from the game and sit him on the bench and well...you can imagine the scolding he got! We knew he disliked baseball but this attitude of rebellion carried on beyond the baseball field.

When we got to Proverbs in our reading through the Bible in a year, I made Cali and Cam join me because a lot of Proverbs is about discipline and listening to your parents. About that time too, baseball was over for Cam and he became a different kid or at least reverted back to the same kid that he was before. The rebel was gone. So while I am thankful that baseball is over, I am even more thankful for the power in God's word!

But there were still more rebels in the house to deal with...Brian and me. I don't know that it was so much that we were rebelling but it felt as though we were dealing with a lot of stuff and not necessarily wanting to always deal with it God's way. The funny thing is, neither one of us knew that the other was dealing with it until we were talking. I told him that I felt like I was pushing God away at a time when I should feel closest to him. I felt like all of these things, situations, feelings were coming my way and I wasn't necessarily always thinking in a Godly manner.

I say nothing major, but for instance, I'd be driving down the road and I'm not kidding...everytime, the slowest people would be driving right in front of me or cut me off. Instead of reacting with the biblical response of patience, I'd be impatient and spout off something which is something I haven't done in years! But I'm not kidding, it was everytime I got out on the road...slow people, bad drivers:) And then in stores, I'd get in the slowest lanes with needy people or whining people and my response would be more like, "Oh for the love of Pete, get over it and move on!" rather than the biblical response of love, patience and self-control and prayer.

What in the world was going on with me? I had just become a pastor's wife and I was turning into Satan!

I had no desire to read my Bible, do my devotions, be around people...anything!

I found myself building up walls to keep people out. I didn't want to talk to people and didn't want people talking to me. I only wanted to be with my family.

This wall building started the week after we started counseling training. We sat in on actual counseling cases and I think that I was so burdened by some of the cases that I carried those wtih me. I thought of those people who poured out their hearts and I thought to myself, I don't know them or their families but how am I going to feel when I DO know the counselees and their families because there will come a time when I will. That thought kind of overwhelmed me. So in my worldly way of thinking, I built up some walls to keep people away. Some fine counselor I'll be, huh?

Well, then a song came to my mind...
Im in a fight not physical,
Im in a war but not with this world

I was in a fight with Satan. He was doing everything he could to keep me from doing good. And I was falling for it. I was giving in. I was battling spiritual warfare. It was intense! My friend Kelly Stanley, had sent me a devotion telling me that devils would come my way with this new role. Boy was she ever right!

The song goes on to say...
You are the light that is beautiful,
And I want more,
I want all that is yours

Joy unspeakable that won't go away,
And just enough strength to live for today,
So I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring
'Cause my faith is on solid rock,
I am counting on God

That is what got me through it. Everytime one of those devils got in my way, I'd sing that song and know that I had to count on God.

And what I saw happen was amazing, the walls came tumbling down, I realized that I didn't have to carry the burdens of those counselees or any that might come my way in the future...
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power

God is big enough, strong enough, powerful enough and willing to carrying them all! I just had to make sure I didn't try to carry them and remember to give them to Him.

I also saw that dealing with the annoying things in life became easier because I put God back in the drivers seat so to speak. I had given the devil a foothold and boy is he powerful. But God is
so much more powerful and it is so much better to do good!

With that said, I feel as though I'm back and ready to attack anything that comes my way. I know it's not going to be easy and it's not always going to be fun or pleasant but there is so much joy that comes with being obedient to God and His word.

So how's it going? It's going great!

Ahhh...Summer

2010-07-10T07:55:00.003-04:00

I love baseball and softball season but when it is all over, I'm not sad. This is the time of summer I have been waiting for. We finished up with baseball last weekend and Cali returned from camp. Aside from a few things here and there, we are free! I love that. My kids have been in the pool from noon until 5. They have had friends stay the night and stayed the night at friends with no limitations (as far as how much sleep they have to get).

It is summer!

Brian and I head back to counseling training on Monday. I enjoyed the break but I am anxious to see how some of my cases are doing. Similar to how people get hooked on reality TV, I am hooked on the lives of these people except these people are living and breathing right in front of me and they are pouring out their stories to the counselors unscripted. Each week their homework is to apply scripture to their life and the following week we get to see how doing that impacted their life. It's so good! It's so exciting to see lives improve and lives change!

This will be Brian's second week at Rock Point. He loves it. He is staying busy and loves going to work. This is his dream job for sure! Last week he got to go on a fishing excursion with the kids. Our church has had little camps rather than doing a week long Vacation Bible School. First we had a football camp, then the fishing camp, next is the dance/cheer camp and last is the baseball/softball camp. Anyway, he was like, "I get paid to do this?" He's like a kid again! But he is dealing with the serious side of things too. It's not all fun and games.

Cali had a great week at camp. She enjoyed the time she got to spend with Lilly, Gracie and Sydney. Her weather was perfect. She came home and seemed to have matured quite a bit spiritually. They talked about a lot of things at camp that really made her think and question, "am I doing things in a way that pleases God?"

Cameron is so glad that baseball is over. Once again, we seemed to have pushed him to that burn out point. He doesn't love baseball. He never has and he never will if we keep pushing him but this summer especially, he seemed to not enjoy it. I'm sure a lot of it had to do with the end of the season-getting hit in the neck....he was scared to death every time he got up to bat. So was I. But I bribed him with fireworks and he swung the bat, even started hitting the ball again but still didn't like baseball. We told him last year that he didn't have to play All-Stars (which is what he really doesn't like) and we talked him into it since Brian was asked to coach. But once again, we end up with a kid who is pretty good at baseball (or could be) but he h-a-t-e-s it and we ruin it for him by burning him out. When are we going to learn? I want him to play but I think the best thing to do would be to lay off for awhile. Brian agrees.

Then there's my little Chrissy. She is a little blonde fish! She loves to swim and she loves to do flips in the water...3 in a row without coming up for a breath even! She has come out of her shell quite nicely lately and just in time for kindergarten. She rarely cries or is clingy when I leave her somewhere. She has been going to her "big kid" class at church both in the morning and in the evening with no tears. That will make it so much easier on me when school starts. I even noticed at baseball and softball games this summer that if there were little kids playing, she would go up to them and just start playing. Cali and Cameron never would have done that!

So we are hoping the rest of the summer goes by slowly! I know we are going to enjoy it though...no matter what!

Is It July Yet?

2010-06-29T07:11:00.002-04:00

It's Tuesday morning and my brain is drained. So if this makes little sense, forgive me. I just felt it was time for a blog.

Brian and I have been attending Biblical Counseling training at Faith Baptist Church in Lafayette. We go every Monday from 9-9 but our day is longer than that when you add driving time. We sit in class from 9-12 (roughly) and then get a lunch break and then we start counseling at 1:15. We sit in on cases from 1:15-9 with typically a 1 hour break and a dinner break. It sounds like it would be a long day but it really goes pretty fast; especially when you get into the counseling sessions. Sometimes you don't want those to end because the people have made so much progress. You just want to keep going with them. But they only get an hour. The classroom time goes fast too. The teachers are great. Most of the teachers are the pastors at Faith. They teach in hour sections and everything they teach in applicable to my own life. For example: Yesterday, we talked about counseling people with marriage problems and we learned how to show women how to be a better wife. So in the process of learning how to counsel others, I got counseled myself. That happens often. It's pretty awesome how God's word works!

On Tuesday mornings, boy am I tired. I am drained mentally and physically. You wouldn't think that sitting all day long would take it out of you, but it does. I have a new appreciation for moms who work and even more so for moms who work and go to school. It's hard to juggle and do it well. I have a hard time bouncing back and being a good mom on Tuesdays because truthfully I just want to take the day off and let my body and brain rest. Unfortunately with kids, you can't do that! So I put my counseling training into practice and try to do all things without complaining or grumbling. (Keep that scripture tucked away in memory so you know how to handle everything biblically...that's the key).

Well, it's almost July and that means a blank calendar for the most part. Cali is finished with softball (and won her tourney) and she left for camp yesterday. Cam wraps up his regular league tourney tonight. Both kids are ready for a break. Once Cali gets back things will really be relaxing for them and they are both looking forward to that. They want to be able to swim and play without limitations and have friends over without having to get out early for ballgames or practices. Brian starts at Rock Point July 1 so we will transition into that soon. And before we know it, school will be starting!

It has been a great summer so far but there is still more to enjoy! Can't wait to see what July has in store!

A Baseball to the Neck

2010-06-20T06:35:00.002-04:00

Last night, the Crawfordsville 9/10 All-Stars played a double header against a combined Ladoga/Walnut All Star team. It was supposed to be fun. Cameron played baseball for Walnut for a few years prior to coming to play in the Crawfordsville league so he knew several of the kids plus it was John and Jarett Downey's team so it was going to make for a fun rivalry.

We knew from watching the two teams play the night before that the kid pitching Ladoga could throw hard and fast (although my know it all son questioned his technique). What Cameron didn't know is how hard and fast until that ball hit him right in the neck!

That pitch came in and I wasn't sure where it hit. All I knew is that Cameron was on his back, on the ground...crying. I heard Brian ask him where it hit him and he said, "in the neck".

Well, eventually he got up and took his base but he was basically done for the night. He never really bounced back from it. It was sore and he was definitely shaken. He ran the bases fine and he played the field fine but the next time he had to face that pitcher...he couldn't do it. He backed out, backed away from every pitch. He was scared to death! My heart fell to my stomach.

So I thought, "okay, it may take awhile for him to face a pitch again." I just prayed, "God, help him to overcome this fear." I had to leave for a few minutes so I called my cousin Thoma and she talked to me while he was up. "He hit a double!" she said. Oh thank you God! And then I missed his first at bat for the second game...another double. Okay, so maybe it wasn't going to take as long as I thought.

But then, that pitcher came back in and it was like Cameron was looking at a monster. He couldn't do it. Brian said as soon as they put him back in he paced the dug out, shaking his head "no". And then he went back up to the plate and backed out. He was scared and he couldn't overcome his fear. So it wasn't necessarily that he was afraid of the ball. He was afraid of the ball being throw at him by that pitcher!

When all was said and done, Cam's team lost both games and he came off the field not wanting to play anymore.

That is a bummer!

Brian and I were talking about the whole incident last night. We were thankful for where the ball hit because a couple of inches one way or the other and it may have been much worse. This could have been a much different post.

So I asked, "what was the purpose of that?" because you know it came as no surprise to God. Everything happens for a reason so what was the reason for that?

I'm not God so I don't know but some things that came to my mind are:

Cam wants to immediately quit after something like that. I think we need to teach him to work through his fear and teach him the truth in Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. He can overcome this!

Is this all worth it? Is all this focus on sports too much?

Maybe I have been too prideful lately and needed knocked down a notch. Along the same lines, I have noticed Cameron "jawing" a lot lately. He seems to think a lot of himself. James 4:6 tells us that God opposes the proud but favors the humble. This definitely humbled me...and Cameron.

I don't know. I just know that I don't want him to quit. I never want to see him get hit like that again. I'm scared now every time he gets up so I can imagine he is quite scared but I love watching him play baseball.

Dear God, Please help us to learn what you want us to learn in this incident. Please help us to help Cameron overcome his fear. Shield him, protect him and let your truth fill his heart and mind so that he can move past this. In Jesus Name...Amen.

Letting Go...One Finger at a Time

2010-06-19T06:29:00.002-04:00

If I imagine that I have my hands wrapped around my oldest daughter, I can feel that my fingers are being pryed open one at a time. I am slowly loosening my grip...one finger at a time. My pinky is barely open.

Uggh....this growing up stuff is for the birds! I am watching my little girl grow into a young woman. But you know what? It's not all that bad. We are actually having fun with it. And to be totally honest, I am enjoying it. She is having the time of her life, that's for sure!

Yesterday, we hit a big milestone. I let her walk to Dari-Licious by herself (with a friend). She has been begging me all summer and I know a lot of her friends ride their bikes and walk all over town, but I'm just not comfortable with it. I watch too much news! Another thing is, where we live...there are no sidewalks. So, she would either have to walk on a busy road to get to one, cross over a busy road to a parking lot or cut through someone's yard. No good choices for us. I chose the latter for them and they made it there and back safely. No one kidnapped them and no one even attempted to kidnap them. Shew! They both did have cell phones and I did text her a couple of times to check on them. They were fine. I'm sure I was riding and walking all over town when I was that age but I lived in town and...it was safer back then:P

So I said I checked on her a couple of times via text. This brings me to my next point. I think I'm hovering too much. I don't want to be an overbearing mom. The other day, I was checking her facebook page (because every mom should check their kid's page daily) and I saw that there was a group called, "I hate it when my mom asks me who I'm texting!". A lot of Cali's friends had joined it. She hadn't and she wouldn't (at least she'd better not) but I always ask that. Now I know I have a right to and Cali doesn't even have her own cell phone yet so I really have a right to but I can also see a tween/teen could become a little rebellious if a parent is constantly nagging or questioning. So I thought a better way to approach that would be, either I can look later to see who she was texting or ask in a different manner...not always, "who are you texting?" That would get old. Imagine yourself as a tween again!

As far as her facebook goes, she knows that if she is allowed to have one that she has to follow our rules. We have never really had any problems with it. Occasionally she writes something she has to take off but for the most part, she is good. She's not allowed to do any of the quizzes and she can only chat if I say she can and with her close friends. I don't love the chat feature because I can't see what she has written. In other words, there is no accountablity. I just trust that she is being a good girl and not gossiping or anything like that on there. I like facebook because you can see what her friends are up to and it has been good for her to get to know kids from other grades and other schools. If used with supervision, it can be a good thing! I check her facebook at least twice a day but I'm trying to do it so she's not aware just to eliminate that "hovering mother" title.

She has had a great summer. She has a great group of friends, both boys and girls and she has hung out with them a lot. She has had no issues and I have not once heard her complain about being bored or not having any friends to hang out with. There is always someone who is willing to come over and hang by the pool and if not, she's good with a day with the family (just not too many of those for Cali;)

We have started a new bedtime routine. She will ask me to lie down with her. We will pray and then she'll say, "let's talk". When I ask her what she wants to talk about, sometime she will discuss a conversation between her and a friend. Sometimes she will ask questions about Tuttle and sometimes she gets giggly and wants to talk about boys. It makes no difference to me. I'm just thrilled that she wants to talk to me and I want it to go on...forever! I love our pillow talks.

I know she isn't always going to love the decisions that we make for her. I know we aren't always going to be best friends through the tween/teen years but I am certainly going to try to keep the peace.

She informed me yesterday as she was trying to convince me that she was old enough and responsible enough to walk to Dari-Licious that she was in her 12th year of life. I have 10 fingers gripped around her with one pinky barely up. Not sure how that works out mathematically but in a few short years, I will have to lift all the fingers and let her go!

God is Good...All the Time!

2010-06-08T06:18:00.002-04:00

I have just been blown away at how good God has been lately. You know sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't. You pray for little things like weather and tournament pairings to work your way but if they don't, then you just deal with it but lately I have been so blessed to receive what I ask for...

For example, last week I was having Cameron's birthday party (albeit over a month after his birthday). The forecast for the day: rain; not just rain, thunderstorms. I was really close to cancelling it because looking at the radar, it looked impossible. The rain spanned all the way out to Iowa. But there was a clearing and the sun came out and the temperatures soared perfectly for a pool party. That was an answered prayer!

Another one...Cam was playing in a tourney this past weekend. This Sunday was also the weekend that Brian was getting licenced as a pastor. If our game time fell anytime before 12:30, we would have to miss Cameron's game on Sunday. So when I saw the tournament bracket, I knew that we would need a #2 or #7 seed. I started praying, "God, please work this out for us so we don't have to miss a game." Guess what! #7 seed baby! Now that means we went 0-2 in the pool play but hey, we got the game time we needed. We were so thankful!

And yesterday, Brian and I started our training in Biblical Counseling at Faith. I walked into the classroom and there they were: killer lights! I thought to myself, "I'm a goner. I'll be lying down in the Yukon by noon with these things." I texted my friend Kelly and asked her to pray. I knew Brian was praying. I felt them come on several times and I would just say, "please God, NO!" and I never got a full blown migraine. I really never even got a headache. I just kept praying them away. Again, I was so thankful!

So maybe those things seem silly to some but they are praises to me and I know that God is good even when things don't go our way but I love how it builds your faith when those little prayers are answered. God is good...all the time:-)

All to You

2010-05-29T07:47:00.003-04:00

I just finished reading the book of Job. I remembered when Brian accepted this pastor's position, Janet Jones wrote on his Facebook wall, "The LORD blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first."

Well we have lived a blessed life so far and I certainly hope to never have to go through what Job went through! I have heard a lot of talk about trials this week and it goes back to Brock's sermon last week when he talked about Job and his trials. Brian talked about a sermon that he heard by James McDonald that talked about trials. Life is a trial. We have either just gotten out of one, are in one or are getting ready to face one. Maybe a big one, maybe a small one, but we are promised trials.

As I have been struggling with letting go of my financial security, I was comforted today in reading that Jesus said that anyone who gives up something for the Kingdom of God will be repaid. Maybe not in this life, perhaps in the life to come but God promises it will happen.

My study Bible referred me to Luke 18:22-23 When Jesus heard his answer, he said, “There is still one thing you haven’t done. Sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

But when the man heard this he became very sad, for he was very rich.

I know we will be fine. I have seen the numbers. They work. But it's going to be a change in lifestyle. It will work. It will be good, I'm sure. It's just scary.

I close with a song in my head. All to You by Lincoln Brewster.
I'm living my life for You
And I'm giving everything to You
Not holding back, from every part
I'm giving it all to You

Take Me As You Find Me

2010-05-28T07:15:00.002-04:00

As the time draws near for our family to enter full time ministry, I find myself fearing failure and doubting that I'm worthy of this calling. I'm finding myself tempted with things of the world like I never have been before.

I'm fearful that we won't be able to be happy on this new income. We won't be able to buy want we want, go when we want to go. We will have to budget. What is a budget? I want to be able to my kids name brand clothes when they want them like I always have. Will I still be able to do that?

I'm doubting that I'm worthy of this calling because I don't have that perfect path to getting here. I have a past and there are some things in it that I'm not proud of. I don't know that I'm good enough to be a pastor's wife!

But then I remember the lyrics to this song...
So take me as you find me
All of my fears and failures
And fill my life again
I give my life to follow

and I'm reminded that it's not what the world says that matters.

Word of God speaks.

1 Timothy 6:6-10 Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.

But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.

Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
"Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you."

Okay, God. I trust you. I have never needed much to keep me happy. I have always been happy with shopping at the Goodwill and having the basics. I'm not sure why I'm panicking now but I'm putting those fears to rest and putting my trust in You!

Now to put to rest the doubts that I'm having over whether or not I'm good enough to be a pastor's wife. To my knowledge, there are no rules as to what path you have to take to become a pastor or a pastor's wife. It's a calling from God. Some people in ministry have walked that straight and narrow all of their lives. I haven't necessarily. I have a story. But more importantly I have a story of how Jesus changed my life! Without knowing that real change only comes when Jesus is at the center of your life, I couldn't do this. I wouldn't be a changed person.

But I am. And once again...

Word of God speaks.

Psalm 103:12 He has taken our sins away from us
as far as the east is from west.

When someone asks me how I know God is real, the first thing that comes to mind is peace that passes all understanding.

I have asked God to forgive me for what I did. He did. Those things are gone, done, erased. I'm a new person. I have peace in knowing that.

Ephesians 4:21-23 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

So when I'm drowning in my ocean of fear and doubt, I know that there is a life boat out there to rescue me from those thoughts. I'm so comforted by that!

Five Friends and a Sister

2010-05-27T08:01:00.000-04:00

Another School Year Come and Gone

2010-05-26T06:53:00.004-04:00

Wow! Summer is here. I was a little emotional yesterday as I picked up my kids because I knew I was picking up Cali as an elementary student for the last time ever. And I knew next year at this time, Christen would be wrapping up her Kindergarten year. Lots of changes coming our way but that's for another post.

This school year...whew! It set out to be a doozy!

This morning I woke up with the lyrics to Josh Wilson's, Before the Morning in my head. Particularly the part that says,

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

None of us like to see our children hurting for sure. In fact, I think we like to shelter them from anything that we possibly can and it's our instinct to want to swoop in and carry them through (or even over and around) any painful situations. We hurt when those we love are hurting.

I knew at the start of the school year that Cali would struggle. She had always had a group of older friends and had never really connected or even tried to connect with any of the girls in her own class so when her older friends moved on to Tuttle, she was a bit lost and quite lonely.

She was still friends with the older girls but sports schedules and homework didn't allow for as much social time as it had in the past.

So as the year went on, there were many tears and many times when Cali would just sit with us at ballgames. She would come home with stories saying the girls in her class wouldn't let her sit with them at lunch or that she had to sit with the boys or play with the boys at recess because the girls wouldn't let her play what they were playing. It was a rough year at the start.

I was mad and I was sad. How can someone do this to my daughter? Then of course my husband steps in and thinks God might be trying to teach us something through this.

What? God use pain and suffering to teach a lesson? At my daughter's expense. Not liking it!

In his sweet, patient, calm voice Brian says, "Let's pray for God to bring Cali some good friendships. Let's learn what He wants us to learn through this."

Truth be told, I was ready to pack up and move elsewhere; somewhere where my Cali would find some good friendships.

Thank God I didn't!

I have learned so many valuable lessons this year and through Cali's trial. And in the end, Cali is beaming. Just last night, her facebook status was, "I have a feeling this is going to be the best summer ever!"

Let me tell you why. Because God is good and God answers prayers. God brought four little friends from Cali's grade into her life. I can't even tell you how she met them or when exactly but all of the sudden she was getting invited to birthday parties and to sleepovers and most importantly, she was smiling and enjoying school again. Her second semester ended up being one of the best of her life thanks to these answers to prayer that will be with her until she graduates.

And better yet, she is still connected to her older friends and loves when she gets to hang with them. She cannot wait to play soccer with them this fall!

I think of the song that we used to sing in Brownies when I was a kid, Make new friends, but keep the old...one is silver and the other is gold.

So in looking back...was it painful to see my child hurting? Yes. But, I don't think I would change anything. I think we both learned some valuable lessons and the smile that is on her face today is worth it.

I Don't Want to Mess This Up

2010-05-19T06:17:00.002-04:00

When people tell you to enjoy your newborn because before you know it, he or she will be all grown up, they are not kidding. Where does the time go? In less than a week, my oldest will be a middle schooler and my youngest will be a kindergartner. Cam falls right there in the middle. All will be starting new schools, new stages. All are growing up.

Part of me wishes I could freeze them at certain stages and part of me is really enjoying watching them grow but another part of me is really nervous about them growing up.

I don't want to mess this up!

As Cali enters the tween years, we are facing many worldly challenges which include technology, friends, clothes, attitudes, sleepovers and oh yeah...boys.

Ugh.

I know it's normal for boys and girls to like eachother at this age but I don't really want my girl to be normal. Okay, I do. I'm just a nervous wreck about it. I hear stories, I read Cali's facebook page every day and so on. I know what goes on out there and I'm confident that I can trust my daughter. I'm confident that we have a great relationship. She tells me everything and I pray that we carry on that way but how do I protect her in the years to come? I can't and won't be with her at all times.

I just have to stay involved in her life. And this goes for my other kids too. That is so key.

I read this article on pre-teen dating. It had some helpful hints because we have always been against the "going out" stuff.

Preteens & Dating Terms by Mia Pinson
Preteen dating is not something that should be taken lightly. In fact, statistics show that preteen dating can lead to serious problems. Depending on whom you talk to, each of the following terms can have a different definition. But this glossary should give parents an idea of what their children are talking about when they mention dating or a relationship. Discussing these terms with your child now can help you set guidelines for the future as you seek God’s plan for his life.
•Hooking Up -- The term “hooking up” equals every parent’s nightmare. And, it does happen with preteens. When two preteens hook up, they get together for one party, one night, or even just one hour. Sometimes, they know each other, and sometimes, they do not. It really does not matter because there are no strings attached, no commitments, and no plans to ever develop a relationship.
•FWB (Friends with benefits) -- Two good friends who do not want to be in a boy/girl relationship. Instead, they become involved physically whenever it “just happens.”
•Talking -- When a boy and girl are “talking,” they are casually flirting and showing interest in each other. Most of the time, they are not ready to commit to a relationship and are testing the waters to see if their relationship can go further.
•Drop-Off Dating -- Drop-off dating occurs when parents drop their preteen off somewhere they think is safe such as a mall, skating ring, or movie theater. What parents may not realize is often after they are dropped off, their children are picked up and taken to another location.
•Going Out -- When two preteens say they are “going out,” they probably mean they are in a relationship that is recognized by their peers as exclusive. Terms like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” are used. Preteens can “go out” without going anywhere on a date.
•Group Dating -- Group dating can be chaperoned or unchaperoned. When preteens group date, they may go out with older friends who drive. Caution: Going on group dates no longer means that your child is safe from being physically intimate (especially if your preteen group dates with older couples). Many teens and preteens now act the same way in front of their friends that they would alone. In fact, sometimes being with friends actually makes it more difficult for preteens to say “no” to situations in which they are uncomfortable.
•Family Dating -- For many, family dating is a good alternative to secular dating. After searching God’s Word and listening to each other, families can choose their own rules and relationship guidelines. Family dating allows parents to get to know their child’s friends in a more natural setting while it still keeps children under the protection and guidance of their parents.
•Courtship -- Courtship is a “no nonsense” approach to finding a mate. Courtship is not a casual dating relationship. In fact, some couples wait until marriage to kiss each other. Generally, in courtship, a man will pursue a woman with the ultimate goal of finding a spouse. She, in turn, has the benefit of her family’s support and of knowing the man who is pursuing her is seriously seeking God’s plan for their future instead of a casual relationship.

So "going out" is harmless since preteens can't go anywhere. I like the family dating idea. They can have their "friends" hang out with us. If they don't like it. Too bad!

I remember when I started dating in high school. My mom lost weight. Now I understand why. Sorry mom and dad. I get it now. Your parents always say, "one day you'll understand when you have kids of your own." That is so true!

Last week for Adam and Christen's graduation, we played a picture video of their year that went with the song Find Your Wings by Mark Harris.

It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow

Chorus:
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories

Chorus:

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly

That is my prayer as these children grow. I pray they find their wings. I pray that they are convicted when tempted to do something wrong. I pray that they always walk in the truth. I pray that they have the faith and courage to do whatever they dream.

For a Time Such as This

2010-05-17T05:58:00.003-04:00

I love that part of the Book of Esther...when Mordecai says to her, "perhaps you were put in this position for just this reason." In other words, God has a plan for you and all things work for the good...trust and obey.

Love it.

I find it no coincidence that I just finished reading Esther in our Bible reading. It's also May and in May, two things happen. One is Mother's Day. The second is Brian's birthday.

While I of course think of my mother on Mother's day, I also think of Brian's mother. Let me rephrase that...mothers.

Brian was adopted by his Mom, Marlene at birth but I think about the gift that we have been given in Brian by his birthmother and I think about how God knew...

As Pastor Terry announced last month that Brian would become the next Care Pastor, I imagined God's hand picking Brian up at the hospital and placing him in the loving arms of Marlene because He knew....

Brian has gone through many trials that bring him experience to which he can relate to many. God knew he would one day use those.

I don't know that I could have told you that my husband would one day become a pastor. I think I saw him counseling but to hear people call him, "Pastor Brian" seems surreal but God had a plan for him and it is a big plan and a good plan and it is a plan that will impact people's lives forever.

Brian was not the right timing for one mother but a dream come true for another mother and now...

He is getting ready to set out on a journey of a lifetime. He is going to do what he loves. He loves people, he loves helping people, he loves showing people how they can improve their lives by knowing Christ. This is his dream job.

You can see God's hand in this all along the way...

You can see the dots connected...

It's as if Brian was born and placed by God...

For a time such as this!

They Did It!

2010-05-13T08:33:00.001-04:00

Last night we celebrated a huge accomplishment. It was more of an accomplishment for Nancy and me than for Adam and Christen but we made it about the 5-year olds. In August, Nancy and I decided that we would do a homeschool preschool co-op. We sat down (in the sun, mind you) and made a list of everything that we thought they should know for kindergarten. We made a calendar and came up with lesson plans and a curriculum and even field trips to go along with some of the lessons. We alternated every Monday and Wednesday. On Mondays, Adam came to my house and on Wednesdays, Christen went to Nancy's house for two hours. We incorporated a Bible lesson, prayer time, crafts, exercise and more. We made it through our list and the kids have gone through Kindergarten testing and appear ready. Mission accomplished!

Mother's Day Pictures

2010-05-10T11:43:00.001-04:00

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T19:20:00.002-04:00

I love being with my kids. After all, they are what make me a mom but Brian just took them out to the woods to try out Cam's new gun and so I sit here in the peace and quiet of my home...alone...on Mother's Day. It's kind of nice because I have felt like I needed refreshed, just some time alone to relax and think and write and chill out.

We had a great day today. It started out with church and then from there we headed to Indy for lunch at Harry and Izzy's. I got lucky and got reservations. It was kind of funny how this weekend worked out for me. I got a call on Thursday that someone wanted to see our house on Saturday morning. Well, since we were running the mini marathon in Indy Saturday morning, that meant I had to have it cleaned and ready to go Friday night. So Saturday when we got home, my house was clean and I could just relax (which I certainly did!) Then Friday the realtor called again to set up a showing for Sunday. This was perfect because this meant the house HAD to stay clean the entire weekend and it meant I couldn't host Mother's Day or cook anything because it would mess up my kitchen. So that's when I decided we'd go out.

So to back up, we had a great dinner at Harry and Izzy's. Mom and Dad and Marlene joined us. After dinner, we walked to the Circle and had dessert at the Chocolate Cafe...hot chocolate of course. Then we messed around on the Circle, got our pictures taken, etc. for awhile and then headed home. Our house was being shown between 5 and 6 so we couldn't return until then anyway. It worked out nicely. And...I came home to a clean house.

Brian either sensed that I didn't feel like doing anything or he just wanted to go try out that gun and knew I wouldn't want to so he took all three kids with him and left me on the couch, alone, in the quiet. I don't have anyone to wait on, no one whining, no one messing up my clean house and no one's annoying tv show blaring in the background. I don't sound very motherly but sometimes moms need some alone time in order to be good moms. That was a good end to a great day.

I am really, really sore from yesterday. I really don't feel like moving. It has gotten worse as the day has gone on. I woke up hurting a little bit but it wasn't too bad but now I don't feel like moving a muscle. So here I sit. On the couch. I have updated everyone's privacy settings on Facebook and stalked a few people that I have been wanting to check out. Brian's page needed some attention as he only looks at his from his phone so he doesn't see the invitations to join Farmville and Fishville, etc. So after ignoring all of those applications, I cleaned up his page a bit.

So, not a total waste of time and I did enjoy my alone time. I am refreshed. So Happy Mother's Day to all. Time for me to go be a mother:)

A Few Dents and Scrapes Along the Way

2010-05-02T07:08:00.003-04:00

Friday night, well actually early Saturday morning I woke up to thunder banging and lightning flashing. I didn't get a very good night's sleep. When I finally did go back to sleep, I had a crazy dream.

I dreamt that we were trying to get somewhere. We were driving in my Yukon. We were in a hurry. The streets were crowded and busy. There were lots of turns and even parking garages with the corkscrew ramps that we had to navigate. We were down to our final minutes and I could see our destination so I hit the gas. As I went faster, the road got narrower and I started to hit the cars on both sides of the street but I still made it through the narrow path and quickly at that.

I don't even know where it was I was going. It seems like when I finally came to a stop, it was just a wide open space. I remember checking out the sides of my vehicle and thinking, "a few dents and scrapes but not too bad." I was just glad that I made it. We had all made it.

When I woke up, I was thinking about that dream and this verse came to mind:

"Enter through the narrow gate. The gate is wide and the road is wide that leads to hell, and many people enter through that gate. But the gate is small and the road is narrow that leads to true life. Only a few people find that road. Matthew 7:13-14 NCV

Then I thought about the dents that I got as I was trying to make it down that narrow road and I thought of when Jesus says, "in this world you will have trouble..." (John 16:33). We will get a few dents along the way!

It's not always easy or popular to choose that narrow path but in the end, it is the most rewarding...and if you have everyone you love along for the ride...even better!

It All Works Out

2010-04-26T09:48:00.004-04:00

Well that weekend for totally for the birds! I'd like to rewind and do it again...differently.

I woke up this morning and just cried.

I like my family time. I like it when my husband is home. I like our normal weekends.

Thursday, Brian left to go on the Walk to Emmaus. So I was home alone with the kids all weekend long. I agreed to have an open house so I put a lot of work into cleaning the house and sprucing up the outside. Guess how many came? None, zero, nada, zilch...not a soul.

I was so discouraged. I was so disappointed, frustrated and a little bit mad that I had agreed to do it. My body was sore and tired. I gave my entire weekend to it and all for what?

Well at least I have a clean house to start the week.

I felt like I was grouchy and irritable with my kids all weekend long because I was focused on the house. I just let them play so they were happy but they wore me out. I wasn't very patient with them. I needed a break and couldn't get one. I did run over to the grocery store without them but they texted me the whole time asking when I was going to be home.

I know that it was supposed to be Brian who went away to grow closer to God and learn about whatever...but I learned that I'm no good without him. I would be a horrible single mom. I love my family and I don't like it when anything takes time away from us.

By the end of the day yesterday, I was resentful that Brian had been gone for so long. Thursday to Sunday evening is a long time! I was short on patience and energy and I still had to make it through flock and be excited to see him when he got home. I had to pray for God to fill me up. He did.

But then I got a phone call from my friend, Kristin. She told me that she had heard that Brian was getting a special letter. Part of the weekend is that you get notes of encouragement from friends and family. Well Brian was supposed to go last fall but it fell so close to my brother's wedding so he opted out and decided to go this spring. Many people had already written their letters last fall. One of those people was Pastor Kurt (who for those of you who don't know, passed away suddenly in January).

On the card, it said "Big B" which was Brian's nickname. Brian said he got chills because only one person called him that. He said he looked around and was just blown away. The card, handwritten, encouraged Brian along in his faith and in his walk with God and included scripture. Brian said he was randomly pulling cards out of the pile and the next one he pulled out just happened to be Lis'. She had just written hers before this weekend after it was made official that Brian would be the one to fill Kurt's position. She was very gracious and encouraging. Brian was amazed at God's sovereignty and timing. Amazing.

For both of us, that made it worth it.

I woke up this morning feeling sorry for myself because things didn't go my way. I put in a lot of work for nothing. My family time was disrupted but it all works out. Time marches on. Lessons will be learned. It's all good.

Soccer Game Pictures

2010-04-24T16:05:00.000-04:00

Finding My Fit...Finding My "It"

2010-04-24T07:45:00.003-04:00

All week long I have been thinking about my fit into Brian's ministry at Rock Point.

For the past few years I have been attempting to reach out to other by way of my blogging and Facebook. This week I found myself doubting my abilities to write and questioning whether I should be doing any of that anymore. I was real cautious. I don't want to say, write or do anything that jeopardizes Brian's position, our church but most importantly, the reputation of Jesus Christ.

So I thought maybe I'd be better off just keeping my mouth shut. Maybe I'll just read Facebook and not post anything. Maybe I'll just keep my posts about my kids and family...after all, it is the Saunders Family Blog but then I remembered some of the comments that I had gotten in the past about how sometimes the scripture that I posted was just what someone needed to hear or that a devotion that I re-posted what just what someone needed to read or some of the inbox notes I had gotten about how people had tried our church because they read my blog and now they are coming with their families and loving it. I was thankful that God reminded me of this in my time of doubt.

I am not a writer in technical terms. I have had no training and I'm sure and English professor would have a hay day but I do love it. It is how I best express my thoughts and feelings.

This past week, I had lunch with some friends and we were talking about things we were good at. Jordan's mom had brought a quilt that she had made for her grandchild. Jordan's sister, Megan showed us her pencil sketchings, Karin talked about her scrapbooking. I was like, "hmmm...I can't sing, cook, sew, garden. I am not crafty or artsy. I am not musical. What is my gift? I love to write but I don't feel like I am good at it. So I don't think that is a gift...isn't a gift when you are good at something and you love it?

So all week I have been praying for God to reveal to me my gift. Reveal to me what it is I am good at and if it is writing, give me confidence and help me to improve my technical skills to take it to the next level.

A couple of years ago, my parents bought Christen the Tony Dungy children's book, You Can Do It!

Tony Dungy's little brother, Linden, is a third grader who is having a bad day at school. Linden is the youngest of the Dungy family and the least motivated because he hasn't found "it." In a family where everyone seems to have found their special talent, all Linden knows is that he wants to make people happy.

With encouragement from his parents, a helping hand from his older brother Tony, and inspiration from God, Linden learns that if he dreams big and has faith, he can do anything.

I have read this book to Christen so many times but this week when I read it to her, it had new meaning. I have to find my "it".

As people have asked me this week what my role will be in Brian's ministry, I haven't really had a good answer. I know I will be support for him but heading into this new job...it's like a new start for me. What can I do? What is my gift and what can I do with it? Do I have a gift that I don't know about?

So I pray...

Dear Heavenly Father,

I want to serve you and I want to do it with the gifts you have given me and more. Please make clear to me what those gifts are and help me to put those to use so that I can help people to walk in your ways. Put me where you want me and reveal to me your will for me. In Jesus' Name I Pray...Amen

TGIF!

2010-04-23T20:44:00.002-04:00

I am so glad it is Friday. This has been a week full of emotions and activities. There really hasn't been much down time.

Tonight Cameron and I are watching "Evan Almighty". I made him go to a Matilda Jane party with me so since he was such a good sport, we went to Blockbuster afterward. He picked this movie. I'm glad he did because I need the laughs. I need the nonsense. I need to not think about anything serious for just awhile.

It has been a crazy week and when I say crazy, I mean that in a good way. It started off with Brian being named the Care Pastor at church on Sunday evening. He was voted in with a 100% vote keeping church unity and he did it beautifully. I wish I could recap it. I wish I had video to post. I can't and I don't unfortunately.

And then Monday morning hit me like a ton of bricks. I was emotional and I was exhausted. And then I had lots of things running through my head. Lots of ideas and lots of thoughts and lots of questions.

Who am I when it comes to Brian in the ministry? What is expected of me? What can I do? What will I do? What are the possibilities? What are my limitations? What can I say? What can I not say? What should I say or do? And so on.

As the week went on, I found myself getting back to normal somewhat as I got busy with sports and all of the kids' activities but yesterday was crazy as I found myself asking, "where am I supposed to be?". That's when I know I need a break; when I'm not sure where my kids are, if they are supposed to be with me or at practice or wherever. When our lives get crazy busy, my mind gets crazy like that and I need to just take a breather and step back for just awhile.

Unfortunately for me, this weekend, Brian is on the Walk to Emmaus so no such luck this weekend but tonight is nice as Chrissy fell asleep early, Cali is spending the night with a friend and Cam and I are just chillin'.

Christen "mommed" me to death today. I was irritable and just wanted her to leave me alone. She hung on me and stayed by my side all day long. Even if I left the room, she panicked and yelled for me. When I asked her why she kept holding onto my leg, she answered with, "I can't let go of you because I love you." Awww...that melted my heart.

And then we were on our way to the long awaited Kindergarten round up. She was excited all day long. We picked out her outfit as she insisted on wearing a dress. She looked as cute as could be in her little pigtails. We made our way to Hose and then they swept her away as they took my paperwork. Then the tears started to roll. I don't know how she did the rest of the time but she cried when she left me. She was happy to see me when it was over. She asked me if Kindergarten was that long. I said, "longer". She said she didn't think she wanted to do it . Then later this evening, she said, "you can sign me out out of Kindergarten...I don't think I want to do it." Then she started crying saying she thinks she is really going to miss me. I am just trying to stay positive and encouraging and tell her all of the fun things that she's going to do even though in the back of my mind I'm struggling with it too. I can't let her know that!

So she is asleep. The movie is almost over. Soccer tomorrow and then an Open House here on Sunday. All week long I have been jotting down notes to blog but have had no time to do so. This isn't exactly a meaningful, inspiring blog but it is "me" time and that's just this momma needed!

Pictures of Our Ministry Calling Weekend

2010-04-20T10:19:00.000-04:00

Where Does the Time Go?

2010-04-20T08:38:00.004-04:00

My emotions are a little more stable today. Yesterday, everything just kind of came crashing down on me and I didn't expect that. I thought I would just breathe a sigh of relief that it was all over but instead, I had a lot of other thoughts and feelings swirling around in my mind.

Don't get me wrong, I am completely overjoyed with this path into full time ministry that we are taking, I just have a few other things going on that are causing me to be emotional.

Yesterday, Christen asked me to dance to this song. She always used to ask me but hadn't ask me to dance for a long time. I fought back the tears as I danced with her. You see, my baby girl will be going to Kindergarten round up on Friday which means the countdown to kindergarten is on. My time here with my babies is almost over (in terms of being a full time stay at home mom). That makes me a little sad. Truthfully, it makes me a lot sad.

Today, my oldest goes to tour the middle school. How did that happen? How do these kids grow up so fast? I'm not so sad for her. I'm excited for her. She is ready to move on and I think she is going to love it. But I do know that once they hit middle school, it goes so very fast.

And then there is Cameron...ticking along in between Cali and Christen. He will turn 10 a week from today. He is my child that I spanked every day from age 2-4. He was not a time out child. I thought for sure I would get calls home from school about him. To this day he has never pulled a card or gotten in any trouble. Not to say that he is perfect, but he is a pretty good boy. I am blessed! He is my little watch dog when it comes to Cali...not tattle tale, watch dog-because she seems to need one:)

So lots of life changes ahead for the Saunders Family! It's all good and it's all exciting even though some of them I'm resisting (Kindergarten). I just want to make sure that we don't miss any moments. I want to make sure that we do it right when it comes to raising these kids!

Direct your children onto the right path,
and when they are older, they will not leave it. Proverbs 22:6

Emotional Rollercoaster

2010-04-19T13:43:00.004-04:00

I am totally exhausted today and so emotional. I'm guessing it is the let down of everything that has built up in the past few months; especially the past few days.

With a 100% approval, our congregation voted Brian in as the next Care Pastor.

Pastor Terry read from Titus 1:6-9 regarding the qualifications to be a pastor in our church:

An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. Since an overseer is entrusted with God's work, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.

This was very emotional for us because yes, it is Brian's dream job. He has been wanting to be called into the ministry for counseling for awhile now. But he is getting this job because of Pastor Kurt passing away. This is not how we planned it. So while we celebrated in a prayer being answered, we are still mourning the loss of a great man. A wife still misses her husband and two boys would love to have their dad here. It's hard to get a grip on all of the emotions that fill my heart. It's hard to understand.

It was nerve wracking for me because I was asked to share my testimony. That's not a problem. I had it all written out and even had it somewhat memorized so it didn't sound so much like I was reading it. And then Brian told me I needed to make it 5 minutes or shorter and that I probably shouldn't air so much "dirty laundry". Okay. Fine. So basically, at 8pm Saturday night, I had a blank screen. I was tired and frustrated because I didn't know how to cut it down and still make it sound meaningful. I finally figured it out although I didn't love it as much as I loved my first version. I got a lot of positive comments so it all worked out fine.

Brian did great. He gave his testimony and then shared how he got to that point. Pastor Kurt had a lot to do with it. He actually had just asked him in October when he was going to join him in this ministry. Brian told him as soon as he grew the counseling ministry big enough to support two pastors. Never in a million years would we have guessed that Brian would have landed the job via this path but God has a plan and while we don't always understand it, we know that God works everything out for good.

It's over now. The votes are counted and today he turned in his official notice at Caterpillar. He loves his job but feels there is a greater calling out there...

Lots more to come from me...more blogging, less facebooking in my future:)

Tomorrow is a Big Day

2010-04-17T07:19:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow is a day that we have been waiting for for a long time. Tomorrow night, Brian will possibly be launched into full time ministry!

The story is amazing and I can't wait to write it. It certainly didn't happen like we hoped or planned but God had a plan and God is in control. It is definitely something that we have been praying about for awhile now.

Brian will pray during the service tomorrow and we will be introduced and and then tomorrow evening, Brian and I along with the Chambers' will share our testimonies and Brian and Nathan will share their paths of "getting there". And then the vote!

Stay tuned...

You Make All Things New

2010-04-09T07:52:00.005-04:00

I can't help but to notice how pretty the trees are this spring. They seem prettier than in years past. I remember saying that about the fall colors last fall. And in the winter, I had never seen such pretty ice covered trees. It's as though God is really trying to reveal himself to us...saying, "I'm real, believe in me!"

I have a song in my head, "You Make All Things New". As I look around at the flowers coming up, the leaves coming out on the trees and the grass turning from brown to green, it's clear that God is making all things new.

You redeem and You transform
You renew and You restore
You make all things new
You make all things new
And forever we will watch and worship You

You turn winter into spring
You take every living thing
And You breathe Your breath of life into it over and over again

You made the sunrise, day after day after day
But there's a morning coming, when old things will all pass away
And everyone will see

You make all things new

This past week as we were walking through the woods at Brown County State Park, Brian said, "look at the trees, even they point up to God and praise Him". And then Cali and Cameron talked about a lesson that they had at camp about how the branches that are alive, point up and those that are dead or dying fall or point down.

I know that God has made me new. Things of the past are gone!

I love the verse, Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation: the old has gone, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17

I love Spring!

Click here to see some of my dad's best nature pictures!

Spring Break 2010-Brown County State Park

2010-04-08T08:45:00.010-04:00

Brown County State Park doesn't exactly sound like my type of spring break and trust me, I had my moments of feeling sorry for myself as many of my friends and family headed south for the break but with temperatures in the 70's and even 80's and sunny for the majority of the week, I can't complain. And when my kids were antsy on the hour and a half drive back, I was thankful that's all it was.

I love going to Florida for spring break and spending winters inside with a four, now five year old can make for a long winter. This winter was especially long for some reason so I needed to get away. We were waiting up until the last minute to decide if we would go to Florida because the temperatures down south have been quite cool this spring plus some other factors including wanting to be here for our Easter service brought us to the decision to take a summer vacation instead.

Last summer we fell in love with state parks. We ventured to Turkey Run, Shades and Pine Hills often so we thought this year we would check out a few more by buying a season pass. We opted for Brown County State Park to start the season. I gave the kids the option of renting a cabin or a room in the lodge. They thought a cabin sounded like fun. We should have gone for the room in the lodge but for no longer than we were in there, it was fine. It was just a basic room with beds and a shower. It was really all we needed. The lodge has a new indoor water park with a slide, a lazy river, a basketball/volleyball area in the pool as well as being zero entry. It also has an adults only hot tub that Brian would have to tell you about. It was great.

We hiked trails. The weather was perfect. We had dinner overlooking an awesome ravine of blooming trees. Everything was blooming and beautiful! We saw frogs, a snake and turtles. We definitely had some great quality family time!

Click here to see our pictures

Click here to see Cam's pictures

Crazy, Mean Mama

2010-04-08T07:44:00.009-04:00

I had to take a little break from blogging. It got to the point where I felt like all I was doing was complaining. With the kids out of school, they are not coming home with stories that make me act like the mama duck in the video below.

It seemed as though every day one of them was coming home with a story about someone saying something or doing something to them or teaching them something that they don't need to know. My mothering instincts would come out and not in a good way. So anyway, now that they have been safe in my care for the last few days, I feel safe to blog without lashing out. And then my devotion this morning was on how to deal with things without letting the mean girl out of you. It was definitely what I needed to read as my family enters new chapters; Kindergarten, Middle School, etc...I need to learn to deal with things in a different way. Also, here is a good article by Hayley DiMarco on how, as a parent to deal with it when your child gets into a situation where another kid is being "mean" to him or her. Seems I was doing some things wrong!

Go, Make and Teach!

2010-03-26T10:09:00.005-04:00

Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20

This morning as I was scrolling through my tweets, I came across one mentioning the Great Commission. It said, the Great Commission is not an option to be considered; it is a command to be obeyed.

Go and make and teach.

Go and make disciples of all the nations...Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you...

Oh...like love one another for a start?

As we walk the streets, the malls, sit at ball games, watch the news, watch tv shows, and so on, there are people all over the place who need Jesus in their lives.

One of my new favorite things to do is to read a story posted by a media outlet and then read the comments by the readers. You read every one's point of view, not just those of liberals or conservatives, Christians or non-believers and so on.

I was on the internet and saw this story on Yahoo about stars and then I was reading some of the comments that readers had posted. There was one that caught my attention because it was scripture. Actually, there were two comments just quoting scripture and how amazing God was and is and yet to come. The heavens declare His glory...anyway, people could comment on comments. Well these two comments had the most, like in the hundreds of comments back at them. Most of them were negative and mean...very mean.

I have seen a lot of that this week. A lot of meanness.

Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions. Matthew 7:20 NLT

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Galatians 5:22-23

There are a lot of people out there who are lost. There are a lot of people out there who need some help, some guidance, a Lord, a Savior.

We find peace and comfort in knowing our God, our Jesus but we should feel burdened by what we see around us.

Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. 1 Peter 3:15 NLT

Imagine our world if everyone knew the love and peace of God...ahhhh!

So, Go, make and teach!

Keep Calm and Carry On

2010-03-25T09:58:00.004-04:00

Keep calm and carry on...this is what Joe Scarborough says. It is his Facebook and Twitter profile picture. I like it. I need to live it.

I wish I didn't care. I have friends who don't care about politics at all. But I do. It impacts me and it impacts my family, my community and my country. But you know what? There isn't a whole lot I can do all by myself.

Christen has been sick all week. She has done nothing but lay on the couch or across my lap. During that time I have relapsed. I used to be addicted to the news and then I broke that addiction. This week with the big health care story, I fell off the wagon. I followed politicians on Twitter, Facebook and the internet more than I had in a long time. All for what?

Granted, I was stuck inside but I could have been doing something more positive, something more productive. It was a form of idolatry for sure!

It wasn't healthy either because I like for everyone to see things my way and if they don't, well then...

I, for sure don't approve of the yelling and screaming and violence that is going on. I think there are so many people that get red in the face (from both sides) trying to prove their point and I don't want to be one of those. For sure disagreeing about politics can damage relationships and that is so silly because politics are so of the world.

This morning I had this devotion about relationships. How perfect! It reminded me of when I was in the middle of a conflict. I turned to my notes in my study Bible and read this regarding 1 John 2:9-11 which says If anyone claims, “I am living in the light,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is still living in darkness. 10 Anyone who loves another brother or sister is living in the light and does not cause others to stumble. 11 But anyone who hates another brother or sister is still living and walking in darkness. Such a person does not know the way to go, having been blinded by the darkness. My notes on this say: Does this mean that if you dislike someone you aren't a Christian? These verses are not talking about disliking a disagreeable Christian brother or sister. There will always be people we will not like as well as others. John's words focus on the attitude that causes us to ignore or despise others, or treat them as irritants, competitors, or enemies. Christian love is not a feeling but a choice. We can choose to be concerned with people's well being and treat them with respect, whether or not we feel affection toward them. If we choose to love others, God will help us express our love.

I love the book of 1 John. It may be my favorite book of the Bible. One of the recurring themes is Love one another. 1 John 3:18-19 says Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. 19 Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God.

Ephesians 4:26-27 says, And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

1 John 3:8 But when people keep on sinning, it shows that they belong to the devil, who has been sinning since the beginning. But the Son of God came to destroy the works of the devil.

I have a temper. I get angry. I get mad. I am giving the devil a foothold!

1 John 3:9 Those who have been born into God’s family do not make a practice of sinning, because God’s life is in them. So they can’t keep on sinning, because they are children of God. My notes say this about this verse: all believers still sin, but they are working to gain victory over sin.

Philippians 4:13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

We all battle something. Some more than others but the truth is that there is victory over sin in Christ. For me to remember to go out and love one another and not worry about politics and such is something that I need to give to God. I need to not get worked up, mad, angry, hurt, etc. because Susie doesn't agree with my view on abortion or Jimmy doesn't agree with my opinion of George W. Bush. It is not worth getting mad about. It is sin to get angry. It does not show the love of Christ and when I stand before God, I have to answer for my thoughts and actions; no one else's.

So even if it means I have to turn off Fox News and stay off of Twitter, my goal is to keep calm and carry on.

Karl Rove

2010-03-21T16:10:00.002-04:00

Last night I got to hear one of my very favorite political commentators from Fox News, Karl Rove. He came to Wabash College to speak on idealism in America. He also was promoting his new book, Courage and Consequence-My Life as a Conservative in the Fight.

He spoke on spending, the growth of government, cap and trade, health care, personal responsibility, taxes and of course his role in the Bush administration. He was very well spoken and seemed to know facts and statistics off the top of his head.

He closed by talking about this great country and no matter how far we get down, we will always come back. Government is not the most important thing. It is about doing the right thing and serving others. Our country is made up of people who serve someone, something greater than themselves.

Enough of the Girl Drama Already!

2010-03-16T08:27:00.002-04:00

I didn't have to go far to find my verse of the day today. It appeared right before my very eyes...literally. I turned on KLOVE on my phone and and once the music comes on, the positive and encouraging verse of the day pops up.

Today's verse:
With their words, the godless destroy their friends,
but knowledge will rescue the righteous. Proverbs 11:9 NLT

Perfect verse to start the day after yesterday. You see, our day yesterday was FULL of girl drama.

NOT FUN!

Especially when your daughter is on the receiving end of the meanness.

It all started Sunday night when Cali couldn't sleep. She came in crying and said she didn't feel well. From past experience I knew that this meant one of three things:

1. She had had too much sugar too late in the day and was too wired to sleep.
2. She had gotten her feelings hurt.
3. She was feeling convicted or guilty about something.

Turns out it was all three.

She did have a little too many sweets at youth group apparently. She lacks in self control in that area like her mother:).

Her feelings were hurt because there was some gossip about her on facebook that was not true (someone told a boy that she liked him). That hurt her feelings, made her mad, etc.

Finally, her youth group lesson was on spending too much time doing other things and not spending enough time with God. In other words, having idols. She saw facebook as one of those idols and was feeling convicted about it...to the point of wanting her facebook deactivated for awhile.

Facebook for kids is another blog I'll do later. I have a lot to say about that!

So with her Facebook deactivated and a new mindset, she was set to start her Monday. All went well at school, she came home and got things worked out one of her friends involved in the Facebook boy gossip story. All was smoothed over. Cali said, "forgive and forget" and then she carried on.

I was in my room doing laundry and Cali comes in sobbing. Not just sobbing, hyperventilating, about to throw up, crying. She said, "Come and read this email I just got."

It was from a classmate. It was the meanest email I have ever read. It was like one of those that you would see in one of those "Mean Girl" movies. I made Cali get up and I told her, "I got this."

I replied to the girl calmly and gently but I did tell her that if she did not apologize then the email would be forward to her parents. She apologized. It said, "Sorry Carrie and Cali!"

No explanation of why she blasted my daughter and said such mean things, nothing else. But I didn't ask for an explanation. I asked for an apology and I got it and whether I feel it is heartfelt or not, we have to move on.

So now what? Will it be hard for us to be nice to this little girl? Yes. Do we have to be? Yes.

Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it. 1 Peter 3:9 NLT

What to Blog?

2010-03-15T18:05:00.002-04:00

I have so many things on my mind. So many blogs in the works but I can't decide which one to go with. Right now, I'm pretty fired up about an email that Cali got from a classmate so I'm thinking I may still be too emotional to blog but maybe not. I have in the works:

1. Facebook
2. The Movie
3. Safe
4. A New Normal
5. Standing Up
6. Cali's New Mission

Maybe not the final titles but a lot of writing ahead...

Crystal Clear

2010-03-11T08:49:00.003-05:00

Sunday, Pastor Jeff preached on Joshua fighting the battle at Jericho and comparing it to battles that we fight in life. The moral of the story was, no matter what, God is bigger than our battle!

We were asked to examine our fears. Mine would have to be swimming in a lake or ocean. I can swim but if I can't see what is under me then I'm not going in. I like my water crystal clear. Give me a swimming pool with lots of chlorine! I don't want anything swimming under me or behind me. I want to know what is out there. I want to be able to see. I want to know it is safe. I want to be able to see what is coming my way.

Such is life....the fear of the unknown. I don't like it. I want to know what is going to happen and when it is going to happen. I like things to be crystal clear!

Our life is full of unknowns right now and it is making me crazy. Our house appears to be close to getting an offer, we were questioning where we want our kids to go to school, all day, half day or home school kindergarten for Christen, where to go for Spring Break, where to live if our house sells, rent or buy or build and where, baseball, softball, soccer, dance and so many other questions...

We have been praying for clarity (because I like things crystal clear) and it's amazing how God will make it so clear if you just listen. First of all, we are, at least I am very wishy washy. A few weeks ago, we decided that maybe we would just build in Ladoga. It was land that we owned. We thought we wanted to be in the South district and it would allow us to build the house that we wanted along with a barn for the four wheelers. We could spread out and the kids would love having the woods. We even planned an indoor basketball goal in the pole barn along with a climbing wall and gymnastics equipment, maybe even a batting cage. It was a sweet plan that the kids were excited about and we were too. We had all the room in the world, well 20 acres to spread out on. And then this...I was getting a drink of water from our water faucet and it "kinked" up and then a "spray" of sulfur smell came out. It reminded me of how much I didn't like the water out there and just like that, the Ladoga plan was nixed!

Crystal clear.

And then there were some things that were on my mind that were causing me stress but these were things that I or we had control over. I just had to say no to or I just had to be pro-active in a situation to make sure certain things happened or I just had to not put my kids in programs that I didn't want them in or with kids or coaches or people that cause them distress. Some of the stress that I had, in fact, much of it was of my own doing...not taking control of situations that were in my control to do so.

And on the other hand, letting go of the situations that I had no control over; hard to do but I was much better off to let those go and give them up to God. Worrying about them was doing me no good at all!

I love the verse in the Matthew that says: Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34 The Message translation of this same verse is "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes...

Brian keeps saying, "Don't miss what God is trying to teach us through this process."

Hmmm...

So I prayed for God to make it clear, crystal clear and each and every day, it becomes more and more so what we should do, where we should be, etc. and I feel at peace with it. That's how I know it's right.

Some things are still murky but I trust that God will make it crystal clear.

You Should Have Asked. I Would Have Helped.

2010-03-09T13:07:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, I was struggling. I'm not one to struggle. I'm not one to need help. If I do, I don't like to admit it. I don't know if it is a pride thing or what but I don't like to ask for help. I feel guilty. I feel weak.

Yesterday, I poured out my heart (or whined) and my friends came running. My husband came running. They offered themselves to me unselfishly and I so appreciate it.

I try to put on this SuperMom, SuperWife, SuperWoman facade and yesterday I crashed.

No one saw it coming...because I didn't let them. No one could help...because I didn't ask for it. But it would have been so easy to avoid such an emotional train wreck yet I let everything build and build and build.

This was said to me more than once, "You should have asked. I would have helped."

Hmmm, never thought of that. Well, actually I did but I didn't want to appear weak. "I can handle all of this", I kept thinking to myself. But I couldn't. I can't.

"You should have asked. I would have helped." Those words just kept rolling through my head.

Ah-ha!

That is so something God would say!

That is where I had been failing. That is why I lost control. In the past few weeks, I was once again trying to control situations that I had no control over and it was getting the best of me.

Brian came home from work and took the kids with him to run some errands. I made dinner and read my devotion.

Here is part of it that stood out to me:

But we wait. And we hope. And we wait and hope some more.

Just this morning I read the book of James and was completely encouraged by the message God reveals through James' words. I came away with renewed insight in two areas of my life: drawing near to God and humbling myself before Him.

As we wait and we hope, God is also waiting. Waiting for me to come near to Him for strength, hope and peace. True fulfillment in these three areas can only be realized and received from the Giver of life. The One who holds the world in the palm of His hand. The One who spoke us into existence. As I come near to Him, He will come near to me. Not always on my timetable or in the way I would predict or prescribe, but in His perfectly sculpted plan.

And humbling myself before Him is not robotically proclaiming, "I guess You are right God and I perhaps I am wrong." It means to come to a place where I can honestly admit that humbling myself before Him means that I recognize my worth comes from Him and Him alone. My very worth. Everything in and of me. I must submit and realize that I don't know the path without His guidance, power and favor.

It's so easy to run ahead and plan our attempts to work things for our good. Through the past seven months we have had to learn to wait, hope and trust beyond our comprehension. Beyond our plan. Beyond our wishes.

We've had to pause, wait and focus on the good that He is doing each day.

We've had to resist and flee the doubts and fears that creep in at a moments notice.

We've had to learn and relearn that as we humbly draw near to Him, we must trust, and leave the rest to Him.

Dear Lord, I admit that I need You today. Help me focus on what is true. Keep my mind from doubting Your plan. I know full well that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Change me and then use me Lord. Thank You for entrusting me with all that I have. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

That was so perfect...I could have written that (only not that well).

She went on with the recommendation to read the Book of James. So I started in. I have read James several times but how can you get past the first few lines of the first chapter without being impacted?

James 1:2-8 2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. 6 But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. 7 Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

Wow! Right there it is...if you need wisdom, ask God and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

You should have asked. I would have helped.

So just like my friends and family are willing to help me out when I am feeling overwhelmed, God is willing to help me when I need anything. All I have to do is ask.

Today, I have a song in my head. Came to My Rescue...
I called you answered
And you came to my rescue

I am so thankful for friends and family, God and His word...all for coming to my rescue!

Pop!

2010-03-09T06:04:00.002-05:00

It all came to a head yesterday. I popped. I exploded. My emotions got the best of me. I don't even think I could chalk it up to PMS, I think I have had so much on my mind lately and I have let it wear me out emotionally.

I didn't do anything crazy. I didn't hurt my kids or anything. I barely raised my voice at them. I just decided that some things had to change.

It helped that I spent most of the morning alone. Nancy and I had to swap days for preschool this week so I just sat...and thought about things.

It all started yesterday when I woke up. I was tired and worn down from this cold. But then I looked around the house and realized that it was a pit...already. It was just perfectly clean Saturday for a showing and even on Sunday, it wasn't too bad because we had flock at our house. So sometime in between Sunday evening and bedtime, we all got lazy and it was just a mess. It didn't help that I had 4 loads of laundry to do too.

So yesterday morning, I had a little talk with the kids. I said, I can either nag at you and nip at your heels all the time to clean up after yourselves or we can wait until the house gets messy and I lose it and then I can yell at you for not cleaning up after yourselves or you can just clean up after yourselves. Which sounds like the best option? They all chose the latter.

So after giving them the lecture of how I got tired of cleaning up after them all the time and how sometimes I felt like that's all I ever did, I asked Christen to say the prayer on the way to school. It went something like this, "Dear Heavenly Father, Please let Cali and Cameron have a good day at school and let me have a good day at preschool. Please let Daddy make it to work safely and let mom have a good day cleaning the house...." At least it provided comic relief and broke the tension on the way to school:)

So we all went off on our merry ways and I got the house cleaned up but Nancy suggested that we do a 10 minute clean up before bed. When you have 4 people (Christen doesn't count) cleaning, that's like 40 minutes of cleaning...that's a lot! What a great idea! Then we wake up to a clutter free house.

There were some other things that have been bothering us for awhile that we decided to change, effective immediately! We all love our electronics and our social networking, even more than tv but it has gotten carried away lately. Our bedtimes have moved back and things have gotten crazy to the point of stressful. So we decided all electronics (laptops, tvs, iphones, etc) have to be off by 8pm so we can start the shower routine and then 10 minute cleanup.

Sadly, another thing that has gone by the wayside is our devotion time. So last night we started back to our old routine of gathering on the end of the bed for a devotion and focused prayer time.

One more thing, we have had a kid in our bed forever. Cali, then Cameron and then Christen. Christen prayed the other day, "God, please let our house sell so I have my own room." But last night, we just decided to bump Cameron up to the top bunk whether he liked it or not (because we are the parents) and put Christen in the bottom bunk. Everyone slept through the night!

So lots of changes, all at once but for the good.

As I was reading my devotion this morning, God affirmed that those changes were the right ones to make.

Sometimes we do what is easy or what feels good rather than what is right but eventually that will catch up with us and it's not always so easy to change. It's always best to go with what is right.

Me...in My Cage (that is for sale!)

2010-03-08T11:15:00.002-05:00

I knew there would be a Youtube video out there of a hamster in a cage with tunnels as I described in my earlier blog. This one is even a princess with a pink tunnel. Another thing I noticed in a lot of hamster videos were spinning wheels which I found ironic. Lately I feel like my world is spinning out of control. but contrary to what I said earlier about looking down tunnels and not being able to see the light, the hamster can always find the light. The hamster always knows how to make the wheel stop spinning. Just like we do. Sometimes though we choose, like I did this morning to wallow in self-pity. All we have to do is pray. God's word is the light. It is there to guide us through those tunnels. That doesn't mean we may not go around and around a few times waiting for God to answer us. He is faithful. We must be patient. Eventually, we will find our way out. Eventually, the wheel will stop spinning.

I'm Not Complaining...I'm Venting

2010-03-08T08:08:00.002-05:00

Do all things without complaining or arguing...Philippians 2:14 NCV

So what do we do when we don't want to follow God's instructions? We hear what we want to hear. We justify our behavior.

So just keep in mind, I'm not complaining...I'm venting!

I got a wake up call at 4:20 a.m. when Cam came stomping in with his monster size 9 feet. He had a bloody nose and it went on forever. I couldn't get back to sleep. I have a cold and while I knew it was dangerous to take it, I took a Benedryl. One, so I could get back to sleep and two, so I could breathe. I knew I might be groggy in the morning but it would be worth it to go back to sleep and sleep until 7.

So imagine the joy I felt when a call came in telling us we had a two hour delay for fog. I turned the alarm off and planned to sleep and sleep and sleep.

And then like fingernails on a chalkboard, Christen says, "Mommy!" This was at 7. No sleeping in for me.

Immediately she starts in with her wants and needs: breakfast, chocolate milk, warm jammies, Disney channel.

I don't know what was wrong with me but I just started sobbing. I hated the feeling that I was having. It was a carry over from the feeling that I had yesterday.

I'm snippy, I'm grouchy, I'm tired and I'm overwhelmed.

I feel like a hamster living in a cage (a cage that is for sale by the way) that has several of those little tunnels. Well, I'm looking down those tunnels and not seeing the light at the end of any of them. I just keep praying for patience.

I feel like I am about to lose it. I try to keep in mind that there are so many people suffering out there and I should be counting my blessings and I am. I feel guilty and selfish even thinking it.

I love being a mom. I love being a stay at home mom but I can't remember the last time I was alone. I mean truly alone. I get two hours alone a week when Christen goes to preschool but I usually spend that time doing laundry, grocery shopping or running errands, occasionally blogging but I am feeling the need to just get away by myself and that makes me feel guilty. It makes me have the blues...BIG TIME.

I have a clingy 4 year old that will go to Kindergarten next year. That's it, once she's gone, she's gone but she's about to make me crazy with all of her questions, her neediness, her whininess, etc. I have a tween. Enough said. And then there's Cam. Again, enough said. All are wonderful, healthy kids and I praise God for that but I think I would do them good for me to get refreshed.

So I am trying like crazy to not complain. I am trying like crazy to keep my emotions in check. but this crazy mom, like every mom...needs a break!

Pam

2010-03-02T10:44:00.003-05:00

Last winter, on one of those busy Saturdays when we had basketball in the morning and then soccer in the afternoon...wow, it may have even been two years ago now that I think about it, anyway, I went to the laundry mat. I go there to wash my comforter because it is too big to fit into my washing machine. The point is, I went to the laundry mat and while I was there, this lady came in. She put her stuff in the machine next to mine and she sat down. She was friendly but a bit strange to me. She seemed to talk to herself a lot. I was thankful that my load was about done as she was just getting started so I didn't have to make small talk with her for too long. I truthfully can't remember anything she talked about because it was all random stuff. I did however remember what she looked like and I did not catch her name. She had a very simple look to her. She had short, curly hair and glasses that were as thick as coke bottles.

I went on my way thinking I'd never see her again. After all, I had never seen her before!

That afternoon, we made our way to Lafayette for a soccer game. After the game, we had stopped at Best Buy or Circuit City...one of those stores. Whatever the case, my kids were hungry so I took them to McDonald's while Brian shopped for whatever it was he was shopping for. If you are not familiar with Lafayette, McDonald's is pretty much in the same parking lot as Best Buy and at the time, Circuit City so Brian could walk over when he was finished.

So there we were at McDonald's in Lafayette, 30 miles away from our home and guess who walks in the door? That lady from the laundry mat! Can you believe it? Of all the places, of all the people and on the same day, so clearly God was putting her in my path for a reason. Now it was up to me to figure that out. The only thing I could think to do was pray for her. I didn't know why I was praying or what I was praying for but God knew her needs.

It wasn't too long after that that I walked into Wal-Mart and there she was again. This time she had a name tag on. Her name was Pam and she worked there. Hardly a time goes by that I walk in there that I don't see her pushing a broom or a bucket with a mop in it.

I see her often but she never acts like she remembers me. I always smile at her and I always remember that first encounter.

Last week as we were checking out, she was walking toward us and I told Christen to look at her name tag. She read it. You see, there is a funny story about the name Pam. Christen "changed" her name to Pam over the holidays. She signed her name on cards, she wrote it on her papers, she was convinced her name was Pam. So when she saw that name, she knew what it said. I told her the story about that woman named Pam and how every time I see her, I pray for her.

Well, this morning as we were getting ready, Christen asked me to tell her about my friend at Wal-Mart named Pam. So I told her (again). She said, "well what if those places were just on her list?" I just laughed. She was implying that I coincidentally ran into her. I just told Christen that I felt like God put her there because he wanted me to pray for her. She was good with that answer but then I thought about it...

What if Pam doesn't have anyone that prays for her? What if I am the only one?

And then I thought about this...

Sometimes God brings people into our lives and we don't know why. We may cross paths with them for a short time or for a life time but you can be certain that God has a reason for those crossing of paths.

And sometimes we don't like the circumstances that we are in or the people with whom we are crossing paths but we have to keep in mind that God is orchestrating it all. Sometimes we want to go back to the old scenes and just mingle with those with whom we know and are comfortable but it helps us to grow if we stretch ourselves and get out of the box and mingle with those that maybe we wouldn't normally mingle with.

Easier said than done but I'm confident it is the right thing to do.

Too often I whine and complain because I just want my surroundings to be perfect all the way around. I want perfect people around me all the time but we all know that there's no such thing. I love that song by Natalie Grant that says,
there's no such thing as perfect people
there's no such thing as a perfect life
so come as you are, broken and scarred
lift up your heart and be amazed, and be changed
by a perfect God.

So I try to remind myself, that God has me here for a reason. God has me with the people I'm with for a reason. I may not know but God knows. And just as I know those path crossings with Pam were no coincidence, neither are any other crossings in life that happen.

My hope is that I can remember that God is working everything out for the good and that I may be a part of it without even knowing about it or liking it. My prayer is that I can remember to do all things without complaining and shine my light so that others may see it.

Ephesians 1:11-12 (The Message)

It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

And even though Wal-Mart is not my favorite place to go, I always hope that I'll see Pam because she is a reminder that there are no coincidences in life...it's all a work of God.

Weary

2010-02-25T09:09:00.002-05:00

We were running late for school today. We were calm but things were a little tense. Cali got her bangs cut last night and couldn't get them to look like Jessica Simpson's did in the picture. Cam decided last second that he didn't want beefy nachos after all for lunch so I had to pack his lunch. It set us back a few minutes. Then we had to sit at a stop light for what seemed like forever. Thankfully there was no train today! It seemed everyone was intentionally trying to annoy me with their driving by either not using their turn signals or waiting until last second to turn them on. Both kids made it to school on time, we prayed, Cameron had his lunch packed, Cali's hair looked fine, and despite the whole incident renewing my annoyance with the reorganization but I'm over it now.

Kind of.

It goes along with my theme of the week: weary.

wea·ry
-adjective
1.physically or mentally exhausted by hard work, exertion, strain, etc.; fatigued; tired: weary eyes; a weary brain.
2.characterized by or causing fatigue: a weary journey.
3.impatient or dissatisfied with something (often fol. by of): weary of excuses.
4.characterized by or causing impatience or dissatisfaction; tedious; irksome: a weary wait.
–verb (used with object), verb (used without object)
5.to make or become weary; fatigue or tire
6.to make or grow impatient or dissatisfied with something or at having too much of something (often fol. by of)

Whether I am using it as an adjective or a verb, it has the same meaning. I find the same synonyms:

adjectives: all in, beat*, bone-tired, bored, burned out, bushed, dead tired, dead*, discontented, disgusted, dog-tired, done in, drained, drooping, drowsy, enervated, exhausted, fatigued, fed up, flagging, had it, impatient, indifferent, jaded, knocked out, out of gas, overworked, pooped, punchy, ready to drop, sick, sick and tired, sleepy, spent*, taxed, wearied, wearing, wiped out, worn out, zonked

verbs: annoy, bore, burden, cause ennui, cloy, debilitate, depress, disgust, dishearten, distress, drain, droop, drowse, enervate, enfeeble, exasperate, exhaust, fade, fail, fall off, fatigue, flag, glut, grow tired, harass, have had enough, irk, jade, leave one cold, lose interest, make discontented, nauseate, oppress, overwork, pain, plague, sap, sicken, sink, strain, take it out of, tax, tire, tire out, try the patience of, tucker out, vex, weaken, wear down, wear out, weigh

This week has been especially taxing. I am spent to the point of forgetting where I am supposed to be and what I am suppose to be doing. On Tuesday, for instance, I had MOPS. I am a discussion group leader. It is a discussion group leader's worst nightmare to forget that she has to provide food for the meeting the next day. Guess what? My worst nightmare came true. I forgot. On Monday night at 9pm, I was scrambling to get food together for the 9am meeting. At 10pm I was at the grocery store. My lack of organization and forgetfulness really annoyed myself! Thankfully it all worked out. We had plenty of food and the other women in my group came through for me.

This winter weather...I have had enough! I typically get the winter blues around this time and well, I've got them! This is the time when I (shhhhh) visit a tanning bed a couple times to get a little color. This is the time of year when I start pushing for a Spring Break trip. This is the time of year when I can't take the cold weather any longer. I want warm weather and I want sunshine and I want it NOW!

And then there is everything else...our house, baseball, softball, schools, kindergarten, jobs, our future and so many other things that we are trying to make decisions on, trying to be patient in waiting for answers. But oh how the waiting makes me weary.

This morning on our way to school the song, "Give Me Revelation" was on. It is so what I need to pray...

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I've been trying to find my way,
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You

One thing I know for sure...I don't have to feel weary. Feeling that way is a choice. I get so annoyed by people who complain (all the time). I know I have done my fair share especially this week. It's like if you complain, everything will go away but as I was thinking of this post, this verse came to mind:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

and then this one:

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

I have felt weighed down, exhausted, drained, out of gas and all of those other synonyms for weary all week because I have chosen to feel that way. Once I decided to let go of everything because truthfully, why worry about things that are out of my control, I felt like a huge weight was lifted.

I still feel like those "things" sneak back into my mind and try to get me down but I'm going to try not to let them burden me. I know that God is in control and that he will work everything out according to his perfect plan!

The Not Knowing

2010-02-18T10:31:00.004-05:00

You know how badly I want a crystal ball right now? I want someone to tell me what my future looks like because this not knowing is KILLING me!!!!

It's funny because I thought back to our preschool lesson around Halloween time when Christen asked if witches were real. We always tie in a Bible verse to whatever we are discussing so I was able to find this:

Deuteronomy 18:10-11 For example, never sacrifice your son or daughter as a burnt offering. And do not let your people practice fortune-telling, or use sorcery, or interpret omens, or engage in witchcraft, or cast spells, or function as mediums or psychics, or call forth the spirits of the dead.

God is God and we are not. I know full well that no one can tell me what is in my future...but it doesn't make me less curious, less interested, less anxious (in a good way). I just want to know.

I love the song on the new Casting Crowns cd, To Know You...

To know You is to never worry for my life
To know You is to never give into compromise and
To know You is to want to tell the world about You
‘Cause I can’t live without You

To know You is to hear Your voice when You are calling
To know You is to catch my brother when he is falling
To know You is to feel the pain of the brokenhearted
‘Cause they can’t live without You

More than my next breath
More than life or death
All I’m reaching for, I live my life to know You more
I leave it all behind, You’re all that satisfies
To know You is to want to know You more
To know You is to want to know You more

To know You is to ache for more than ordinary
To know You is to look beyond the temporary
To know You is believing that You’ll be enough
‘Cause there’s no life without You

All this life could offer me
Could not compare to You, compare to You
And I count it all as loss
Compared to knowing You, knowing You

There are so many things I want to know but the not knowing just reminds me that I am not in control and God is. The not knowing reminds me that I need to be patient in waiting for the answers. The not knowing reminds me that I need to trust God to take care of my family and me and all of our needs. The not knowing whispers into my ear, "Be still and know that I am God."

And though I wait patiently (or not so), I am reminded of so many great truths that God gives us for such a time as this...as if He knows...hmmmm:)

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Philippians 4:6-7 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Isaiah 40:31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.

I will trust and I will be patient to learn the things that I don't yet know!

God, I Trust You!

2010-02-14T07:04:00.005-05:00

Saturday night we watched an intense sectional match up between Crawfordsville and Western Boone. We knew it would be a good game and thought it would be close at the end. We hoped the ending would come out differently as Crawfordsville went down to the Lady Stars. It was sad because for so long we have watched Alex Gasaway, Haley Grundy, Kylie Justus and Betty Elliott play and now it's over. I'm sure that was not how they planned it. It is definitely not how I thought it would end but such is life.

This week we experienced the same sort of thing. We had a plan in place for what seemed like a perfect plan for our family's future and then the plan didn't work out.

Instead of letting disappointment take over, we decided to take comfort in the fact that, hey-you win some and you lose some! We know that God has a plan for our family and for our future.

But...I wanted my plan, our plan to be what God had planned for us. I still do.

Saturday, I woke up early. I had fallen behind in my daily Bible reading so I took the quiet time to get caught up. I just knew that God would speak to me through his word but I knew I would need some extra help so I grabbed my study Bible. I just don't understand the Old Testament but the notes in my Study Bible help me to apply the meaning of the text.

First I started in our Daily Walk Bible. In the margins, it has a little section called My Daily Walk and it asks a question that applies the text to your life. I was reading Leviticus where God required much faith from Israel such as them taking the sabbath seriously and in the seventh year they were to not plant their fields. They were to trust God to take care of their needs. It goes on to say that God has staked his reputation on the fact that when you obey him, he will follow through on his promises..."In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:6 and "Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to your as well" Matthew 6:33. We live by faith and faith lives by exercise.

As I moved on to my Study Bible and finished my way through my reading in Numbers, I was amazed at what God had to teach me. As I was reading about the Israelites and the Promised Land and God's provision for them as they traveled and then they complained and then they didn't trust God even though he showed them that he was clearly showing them the way. And then they missed out...all because they didn't trust God.

Word of God speaks. I could so apply this to my life right now.

Pastor Terry's sermon was on Numbers 13-14 yesterday. Click here to listen. It was about choices and consequences.

As I look at the notes that I have highlighted in my Bible from that section, they explain how the passages relate to our life. Here are what my notes say:

Moses decided what information was needed before the people could enter the Promised Land, and he took careful steps to get that information. When making decisions or assuming new responsibilities, remember these two important steps: Ask yourself what you need to know about the opportunity and then obtain that knowledge. Common sense in a valuable aid in accomplishing God's purposes. See Proverbs 12:15 and 15:22.

God told the Israelites that the Promised Land was rich and fertile. Not only that, he promised that this bountiful land would be theirs. When the scouts reported back to Moses, they gave plenty of good reasons for entering the land but they couldn't stop focusing on their fear. When facing a touch decision, don't let the negatives cause you to lose sight of the positives. Weigh both sides carefully. Don't let potential difficulties blind you to God's power to help and his promise to guide.

When the chorus of despair went up, everyone joined in. Their greatest fears were being realized. Losing their perspective, the people were caught up in the emotion of the moment, forgetting what they knew about God's character. What if the people had spent as much energy moving forward as they did moving back? They could have enjoyed their land-instead they never even entered it. When a cry of despair goes up around you, consider the larger perspective before your join in. You have better ways to use your energy than to complain.

With great miracles, God had lead the Israelites out of slavery, through the desolate wilderness, and up to the very edge of the Promised Land. He had protected them, fed them, and fulfilled every promise, yet when encouraged to take that last step of faith and enter the land, the people refused. After witnessing so many miracles, why did they stop trusting God? Why did they refuse to enter the Promised Land when that had been their goal since leaving Egypt? They were afraid? Often we do the same thing. We trust God to handle the smaller issues but doubt his ability to take care of the big problems, the tough decisions, the frightening situations. Don't stop trusting God as your are ready to reach your goal. He brought your this far and won't let you down now. We can continue trusting God by remembering all he has done for us.

So this brings me to this. I trust God. I trust him to take care of me. I know his word to be true. I know that 1 Corinthians 10:13 says The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. I also know that many times throughout the Bible we are told to "Trust" and we see what happens to those who trust and also to those who do not...choices and consequences.

And then I have these other verses that stick in my head...the one about deny self and pick up your cross daily. That one happened to show up on my daily devotion today. Luke 9:23 Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. But then there are the common sense verses from Proverbs that keep me from jumping.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

I went back because I remembered reading something about "moving" and "changing". It was about the Israelites wandering through the desert being able to handle the change because they had the portable Tabernacle which signified that God was moving with them. Life is full of changes and challenges. For us, stability does not mean lack of change, but moving with God in every circumstance.

Which brings to mind this verse:
Your own ears will hear him.
Right behind you a voice will say,
“This is the way you should go,”
whether to the right or to the left. Isaiah 30:21

I think I need to trust and be still and know that He is God.

After all, many times it says, I will not leave or forsake you. I looked up forsake on Thesaurus.com and came up with these synonyms:
Definition: abandon, turn one's back on
Synonyms: abdicate, cast off, change one's tune, desert, disclaim, disown, drift away, forgo, forswear, give up, have done with, jettison, jilt, kiss goodbye, leave, leave flat, leave high and dry, quit, relinquish, renounce, repudiate, resign, run out on, set aside, show the door, spurn, surrender, take the oath, throw over, walk out on, wash one's hands of, yield

I think my favorite is leave high and dry...can't you just hear God saying, "Carrie, I'm not going to ask you to do something and then leave you high and dry. I will take care of you!" I love it.

God, I trust you!

As I finish typing this post, I just got a call from my realtor...seems someone wants to see my house tomorrow. I'd better get a move on. God might just be up to something;)

Future Olympic Snowboarder?

2010-02-11T09:14:00.003-05:00

Jordan called last night and said he was taking the Glancy boys sledding and asked if we wanted to join them. Well, he probably didn't mean me, but I invited myself anyway. We didn't have plans and the kids had been wanting to go to the park so we went.

Christen and I had gone earlier in the day and had the whole place to ourselves so I had gotten my fill so there was no need for me to take up a sled although I went down a couple of times. Really I was there for supervision purposes. And believe me, it was needed as there was a ramp that had been built and there were a lot of boys there. You get the picture?

Toward the end of the night, everyone was trying out the snowboard. I always thought it looked like fun but I just wasn't sure about it. I watched as the others tried it. They might get a little ways down the hill but more often than not, they would wipe out...and hard! That part didn't look like fun.

But I finally got up the nerve to strap on the board. I started a little ways down the hill...and then I bailed! Oh that fear of falling was just too much to bear!

Then a few more minutes went by and I got up the nerve to try it again. And guess what?

I did it!

I soared down the hill and came to a stop at at the end still on my feet. I pumped my fists in the air. I did it! I didn't fall! You would have thought that I just won the gold medal in the 2010 Winter Olympic Games.

Perhaps I should have stopped at that run but I tried it again. And again, I made it down the hill but at the bottom of the hill, I hit some bumps in the snow and I wiped out. And it hurt. I heard and felt all kinds of things pop and crack but knowing that I had done it before and how sweet the victory was makes me want to go back out to that hill and try it again.

To me, I think the fear of falling is enough to keep you on your feet. Does that make sense? I wanted so badly to stay up, I wanted so badly to succeed so I just kept praying, please don't let me fall, please don't let me fall. And I didn't the first time. But then I did the second time. So what is up with that?

Snowboarding is a lot like life. It is not always smooth sailing. Sometimes there are some bumps along the way. In fact, we are told that this life won't always be easy and that troubles will come our way much like the turbulence that I encountered at the bottom of the hill

But I can tell you this: when you let go of that fear that is holding you back from trying something new, whatever it is, you will experience pure joy; the ultimate thrill, much like my "perfect" snowboarding run!

What I have found in my walk with God is He may ask you to do something that is out of your comfort zone but He won't let you fail. You will be blessed for getting out of the boat or in my case, getting on the board:)

This morning, the song Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns came to mind as I was thinking about this post. It says:
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

I think so often we go with our fears and trust that voice that says, "you'll fall, you'll fail, you'll never succeed" and we miss out on the blessings that God has for us.

I know that if God is in it, you will soar down the hill like an Olympic Gold Medalist Snowboarder. Watch out Gretchen Bleiler, Carrie Saunders is making a run...or maybe not, but I do know that God is calling me to do some things that are out of my comfort zone and in these things, I am not to fear.

Romans 8:31 What can we say? If God is for us, who can be against us?

With the countdown to the start of the Winter Olympics down to hours, it is fun to dream that we are or could be the stellar athletes that those Olympians are but in the grand scheme of things, it is important to keep our focus as stated in Philippians 3:14, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

The Loud Lady in the Check-out Lane

2010-02-10T06:51:00.002-05:00

The looming snow storm caused a mad rush at Kroger on Monday. The kids and I made our way across the street to pick up some goods just in case we got snowed in. Seems everyone in town had the same idea as I had never seen Kroger so packed!

As we were standing in line, there was a mom and a daughter talking. They were both clad in denim skirts with hair piled on top of their heads. The daughter seemed quiet and sweet. I had actually bumped into her in the dairy section and she smiled and said, "excuse me" in a soft, sweet voice.

But then the mom spoke. And when she spoke, the whole store heard her. She made it very clear that she disapproved of the Colts', Jim Caldwell. She thought he should be fired for "throwing" those last two games to save his players. She seemed to know everything. It was evident by the reaction of those around her that they were uncomfortable and annoyed.

My kids kept looking at me with big eyes, like, "can you believe how loud she is?" and "can you believe how she thinks she knows everything?"

Many things came to my mind as I listened to her:

Proverbs 31:26 When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.

I thought back to last week when Pastor Jeff posted this on his blog.
He used Proverbs 10:19
Too much talk leads to sin.
Be sensible and keep your mouth shut as a verse for this blog.

I thought back to Pastor Terry's series on the tongue based on Proverbs (A Communicating Tongue, A Complaining Tongue and A Controlled Tongue)back in August of 2008.

How many Proverbs tell us to watch what we say and how we say it? When I type "tongue" into the search on Biblegateway.com, it comes up with four pages of verses. Here are some of the Proverbs:

Proverbs 10:19
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

Proverbs 10:20
The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value.

Proverbs 10:31
The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but a perverse tongue will be cut out.

Proverbs 11:12
A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.

Proverbs 12:18
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 12:19
Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.

Proverbs 15:2
The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.

Proverbs 15:4
The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.

Proverbs 16:1
To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue.

Proverbs 17:4
A wicked man listens to evil lips; a liar pays attention to a malicious tongue.

Proverbs 17:20
A man of perverse heart does not prosper; he whose tongue is deceitful falls into trouble.

Proverbs 17:28
Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.

Proverbs 18:21
The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 21:6
A fortune made by a lying tongue is a fleeting vapor and a deadly snare.

Proverbs 21:23
He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.

Proverbs 25:15
Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.

Proverbs 25:23
As a north wind brings rain, so a sly tongue brings angry looks.

Proverbs 26:28
A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin.

Proverbs 28:23
He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.

and it wraps up with this...

Proverbs 31:26
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

As I listened to this lady in the grocery store, I thought to myself, how many times have I sounded like that? Maybe not loud, but a seemingly know it all? How many times have I been obnoxious with my opinions? How many times have I had to get my point across? How many times have I spoken (or written) something and then wished that I hadn't? How many times has speaking before thinking gotten me into trouble?

The answer is too many times!

As I go on with the verses found when I search "tongue", there are many more:

James 1:26
If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

James 3:1
[ Taming the Tongue ] Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.

James 3:5
Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.

James 3:6
The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

James 3:8
but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

James 3:9
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness.

1 Peter 3:10
For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.

1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

As I learn and grow, I pray that I can remember these truths. I want to be a woman who, when I speak, my words are kind and thoughtful and loving and encouraging...ALWAYS!

Being Refined

2010-02-09T08:21:00.003-05:00

You know God is trying to teach you something when you see or hear the same scripture over and over. I remember around Christmas, everywhere I turned it was 1 John. It was on the radio, it was the verse of the day everywhere I looked, it was it my devotions. It seemed to pop up everywhere. Clearly God wanted me to learn something from the book of 1 John.

At the time I had a strained relationship with a loved one and it was reading the verse 1 John 3:18 that brought some healing to the relationship. The verse says: Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. I could tell him (my loved one) that I loved him, I could write it, but God planted in my mind how to show it in a special way for Christmas. The healing from a wounded relationship was the best Christmas gift I recieved this year.

Recently the flavor of the month has been James 1:2-4...the good old trials verse. I think I have read it and heard more in the last month than I have in my life. It has been a trying month for sure!

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

We (as a church) started out the month with the loss of Pastor Kurt. Through that trial that verse has been posted on Facebook, quoted in Kurt's memorial service, written in cards and much more. In addition, I have seen it as the verse of the day on my blog, Biblegateway.com and just this past Sunday it was K-Love's encouraging word of the day. It has been everywhere.

During Kurt's memorial service, it was mentioned that Kurt's project for this year was memorizing the Book of James. Well, if we don't have those first verses from the Book of James down by now, then we haven't been paying attention!

This past Sunday, Brian went to early service while the kids and I got ready for second service. I was listening to K-Love on my phone and saw the encouraging word of the day: James 1:2-4. I sent Brian a text that said, "I have had the James 1:2-4 verse show up more in the last few weeks...consider it pure joy when you face trials..." My thinking was, knowing our church had another trial to conquer this Sunday with Pastor Brice resigning, it seemed appropriate.

Imagine my surprise when I got to church and I saw on the bulletin that Pastor Terry was preaching from James 1. Click here to listen to the sermon. The titled the sermon, "God, What Are You Up To? We are not questioning God. We are just trusting, knowing that what we are going through, albeit painful sometimes, will work out for the good.

There has been much talk lately about being refined. This makes me think of one of my former classmates' websites. Justin Davis, whose mom attends church with us has a website called Refineus.org. On that website, they define refine.

Refine-to remove the impurites from something.

Pastor Terry used the illustration of using fire to purify. I tend to think of it this way: I have this refining stuff from Mary Kay that I use. It is sandy and gritty and when I am done using it on my face, my face is smooth. I can tell that some layers have been removed. It feels good. But it doesn't necessarily feel good while I am doing it. It kind of hurts.

In the same way, God uses trials to refine us. He never wastes a hurt. He peels back the layers to make us more pure. He works in us to make us more like his son.

As Pastor Terry pointed out, all things work for the good as we see in Romans 8:28 but he also pointed out that we often miss 8:29 which says For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.

As Pastor Terry closed, he said, "We don't want to go through the pain and not learn anything."

My prayer is that we learn what God wants us to learn, that we respond accordingly and that we grow through the trials to be more Christ-like.

The Real Deal

2010-02-04T06:43:00.008-05:00

This past Sunday, Pastor Terry preached on the body of Christ and Love in Action. It was based on Ephesians 4:16 He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.

God gives us all gifts and when we use our gifts together the church works beautifully.

As he often does, he used an acrostic. This week it was CARE:

Community
-We need Christ
-We need the Church
Authentic
-It takes involvement
-It takes investment
Responsibility
-Stay connected
-Stay committed
Encouragement
-Growth is encouraging
-Love is encouraging

Click here to listen to the sermon.

Lis spoke during the sermon on how we as a church acted as the body of Christ and she saw that we loved her. She did an amazing job.

What we have been talking about in our small groups in the past couple of weeks is how "real" this church is. The Authentic stood out to me because I had just told a friend who visited a couple of weeks ago about the authenticity of this church body. Since I can't say authenticity without getting my tongue twisted, I just say real. I told her that these people are the real deal. They will really care for you in a genuine way. They will love you, you can trust them, you will connect in a way that you will want to stay committed. I told her that you will find that people stand around for up to an hour after church just to talk because we just enjoy each other.

We have small groups called Flocks. We have some manly men in our group were not too keen on joining a flock. Let me just tell you that they have opened up and said they can't imagine not attending. They love it!

Relationships are real and relationships are deep. They are rooted in Christ.

Our church has been through a lot in the past few weeks but it is holding on. But I'm amazed, or maybe I'm not at how strong it is standing. It seems unshaken. Don't get me wrong...there is much sadness and grieving and we are still trying to understand why and process everything that is happening but one thing remains constant...God.

God is the same yesterday, today...always. It has never been so evident to me that God is real than now. It is unexplainable, indescribable but it is real! He is real!

In the past two weeks 20 people (that we know of) have accepted the invitation to have Christ come into their lives and wipe away their sins. Many of them have come forward with tears streaming down their faces. Some are just on fire with their stories and you can see the transforming power of God taking place right before you. It is powerful and it is real and it is real exciting.

A special note about one of my cousins, the Downey's. Jarett had been close for awhile and asking a lot questions. John and Thoma had hoped that Kurt could lead him to Christ soon. On Sunday, Pastor Terry offered the invitation and Jarett raised his hand indicating that he was ready to accept Christ as his Savior. With the events of the past weeks and Lis' speech to the congregation, you can't help but to think that Kurt had a hand in it. He was a big influence in the Downey's life and in Jarett's as a coach and friend. As an added bonus, John's sister, Beth accepted the invitation too. There was much rejoicing in the Downey family on Sunday!

I remember PT commenting on going from moving into a new building to losing a pastor to celebrating with our dedication Sunday and still we stand. The song that keeps coming to my mind is How Can I Keep From Singing by Chris Tomlin. It is one that we sing often but there are lyrics that stick out and they are:

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

The Rock. We are holding on tightly and we will sail through these storms. Maybe our hair will be a little tousled and we get some bumps and bruises along the way but we will come out okay because God is real and His word is true and the people surrounding us are the real deal!

Stuff

2010-01-29T05:56:00.003-05:00

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

This was the verse of the day on my blog sidebar. A familiar one but one to think about. What are His plans for me?

As I have gone through this past year, I have learned a few things about God. This has been quite a year of trials with Teresa and her cancer, JD Taylor and Kurt Glancy among others. That is a lot of stuff that I have seen people deal with.

I have learned that anything can happen to anyone at anytime. That's the sovereignty of God. I have also seen the good that comes out of those trials...Romans 8:28.

But one thing it has caused me to do is to examine my life, my heart, my mind. I want to focus on the important things in life and not worry about the things that don't matter. I want to invest my time in people, especially my family, my parents and my friends.

Oh, there is another thing I have learned, we don't know what is going to happen tomorrow or if we will even be here so live for today!

How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. James 4:14 NLT

Yesterday I spent the day cleaning my house, actually my basement. We have all this stuff. Stuff that we have kept for one reason or another. It clutters the basement and there is really no need to keep it. We can't take it with us!

For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 1 Tim 6:7

It felt good to get rid of all that stuff. But I thought also, it would feel good to get rid of the stuff on my calendar that I don't want to do. It would feel good if I would stop filling my mind with the stuff that I shouldn't and it would feel good if I would only fill my heart with the desires of God.

"Coincidentally", my devotion for today was on being too busy. Click here to read. That's no coincidence! That's God reaffirming what the Holy Spirit "spoke" to me yesterday. I love it when He is that clear.

Just a few weeks ago, I had a devotion on You Shall Have No Gods Before Me and it was how we put our magazines, our TV shows, our facebooking (ouch) before God. That resonated with me so before I waste my time watching Dog the Bounty Hunter or UFC, I'm going to make sure I have had my time with God. Click here to read.

Now for filling my heart with the desires of God. What does God want of/from me? What are His plans for me? I don't know for sure, but I'm listening and ready to do what He needs me to do.

This past week, the verse about picking up your cross daily has come to mind a lot.

(Jesus is speaking) Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. Luke 9:23 NLT

It's time to get rid of all of the extra stuff that is weighing me down and cluttering my house, my mind, my heart and my life. It's time to focus on what matters...God and family and friends...people!

One Year Ago

2010-01-28T06:59:00.002-05:00

One year ago, I was asking God the same questions the same questions that I was asking last week.

What?

How?

Why?

Last week when Pastor Kurt suddenly died, I had a lot of the same questions and a lot of the same feelings that I had when I found out that my friend Teresa had Stage IV Breast Cancer. In fact, I thought about T. a lot last week. Different situations but the same questions.

I didn't remember the exact date but I knew it was the end of January. I just read her blog. Her diagnosis came a year ago yesterday. Make sure you click here to read it.

I remember feeling so helpless and hurting so bad for her. This was so unfair and so out of my control. While I wanted to shake my fist at God and scream, "WHY?", I also knew that she needed my prayers and my support. So I quickly turned my anger over to God and prayed. Many people prayed and God heard their prayers.

I never knew this because I never asked and I never wanted to know but she could have died within 3 months! Wow! One year later, she is still here. Thank you, God!

God has done amazing things in Teresa and her tumors continue to shrink. Her faith is strong and she feels good. I am so thankful for this.

My prayer is that she continues on this path of tumors shrinking and no chemo and that she can be the mom and the wife that she wants to be. Keep praying for T.! And pray for T.'s dad, Bob as he determines which treatment to undergo for his prostate cancer.

To Live Like Them

2010-01-27T07:08:00.003-05:00

My thoughts are still consumed with the Glancy family. I just can't imagine going through this. I think maybe it's God's way of keeping them on my mind so that I will pray for them because that's what I do when I think of them. And I have heard so many people say the same thing.

I have had many conversations with people over the last few days where people have said, "they did everything right." They were a model family and I have also heard people say, "I'm going to try to be more like Kurt in this way or more like Lis in this way." They tried to live lives pleasing to God so to live more like Kurt or Lis or their family is to live more like God desires. They weren't perfect as no one is, but it was their goal to please Him.

If people try to live like Kurt and Lis, thus living more like Christ then we see the promise in Romans 8:28...all things work for the good of those who love Him.

Thank You from the Glancy Family

2010-01-27T06:59:00.002-05:00

Last week when Pastor Kurt passed away, I blogged about it and it seems many people stumbled upon my blog by googling Kurt Glancy. I received many emails from friends of the Glancy's thanking me for keeping them up to date via my blogging. It was the least I could do.

Sunday I received an email from a childhood friend of Kurt's and he asked me to pass along a message to our church and to friends of the Glancy's. Kurt's parents had stopped by his house on their way back to Florida. Here is the note:

"Dear Friends of Kurt Glancy,
Thank you for every expression of your love and sympathy. We have experienced love in action as we never witnessed before. We knew God was blessing Kurt's life, but we never really knew how far reaching it was until now. Kurt couldn't have died in any other place in the world where he could have been honored, respected and loved more than in the ministry he had in and around Crawfordsville. We feel that he went to Heaven with the highest honors. Pastor Terry said that in all his ministry he had never heard anyone compared to Enoch. The Scripture says, "Enoch walked with God, and he was not; for God took him." (Genesis 5:24) What a testimony to follow his life!

Thank you Rock Point Church, ALL friends, relatives, and neighbors for everything you have done. Kurt had the best in-laws in the Camp's! We have been sincerely touched by your love!

God Bless you for your kindness,
Willy and Connie Glancy (Kurt's parents)"

Wow x 1000!

2010-01-25T07:00:00.004-05:00

That would describe our church service yesterday!

God showed up in a big way after a tough week. He is faithful.

I had to work in the preschool room during the first service but as I was coming out, I ran into my cousin. I asked her how it was and she said, "it was awesome, I could have stayed in there all day!"

Just walking into the building was emotional because it was the first Sunday without Kurt. Where he would normally be walking around and greeting guests, he was not there. And this was our big Sunday. This was our Dedication Sunday, the Sunday that we were celebrating moving into our new building. We had all been instructed to invite friends. People from the past were coming back to worship with us. We were expecting a big crowd.

Now you add the "Kurt" factor...I can't imagine how many people Kurt had invited to church over the years but I think a lot of them were there yesterday. I saw many who I thought were probably there for Kurt. I pray they continue to come.

The music during the service was what we needed. It was healing balm for our hearts. We rocked out to Counting on God, Days of Elijah and others. It was amazing! And we had 898 in attendance yesterday including the Mayor!

Lis and the boys were there with her family. Seemed to be doing well. Will was part of the service as the Bible that the church read through before we moved into the building was put into a "time capsule" under the stage. Lis is just such a strong woman and full of beauty and grace.

After church, we headed straight to Covington for Cameron's basketball double header. He won two close games. His team remains undefeated. His 3rd grade team won the Montgomery County Championship on Saturday. They finished their season at 9-1 and won the tourney. So it was a great weekend for the Saunders family. God is good and we are so blessed!

And the Colts are going to the Super Bowl!

Lots of exciting things ahead but please remember to pray for the Glancy family.

Charles Shultz Philosophy

2010-01-25T06:49:00.002-05:00

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America Contest.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.
How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.

These are no second-rate achievers.

They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish.

Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners .

Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today.

It’s already tomorrow in Australia.

(Charles Schultz)

Tourney Champs!

2010-01-23T22:40:00.001-05:00

One More Thing

2010-01-23T08:23:00.002-05:00

Every morning, I try to post a Bible verse on Facebook. I have a few sites from which I get a "verse of the day". Monday, January 18th at 6:23, I posted 1 Corinthians 10:13 which says You are tempted in the same way all other human beings are. God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted any more than you can take. But when you are tempted, God will give you a way out so that you can stand up under it. This is the verse many use to say that God won't give you more that you can handle. I often think, God won't give you more than you can handle when I read this verse.

I found this on a site when googling "God won't give you more than you can handle":

This is definitely one of the top five verses in the Bible.
Except… it’s not actually a verse in the Bible.
The actual verse states that God will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.
It does not imply that God won’t let you be stressed beyond what you can bear.
Or challenged beyond your ability.
Or pushed beyond your threshold.

In reality, God gives you more than you can bear all the time. On purpose.
It’s only when you can’t bear the load that the strength of Christ kicks in…
and He becomes everything you need and more.

from stevenfurtick.com

and it ties in well with another verse that "coincidentally" came up as a verse of the day this week and also one that was used a lot when dealing with the sudden loss of Pastor Kurt.

James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

Word of God speaks. There are no coincidences.

If We've Ever Needed You, Lord It's Now

2010-01-23T06:45:00.002-05:00

I woke up this morning with that song in my head. Jordan posted that song on Facebook earlier this week and I just had to buy the CD. We love Casting Crowns so I knew I would be safe in buying the whole CD. But that song...so true...If we've ever needed you, Lord its' now.

Songs all week long have been so healing. Our church is one that loves its music and all week long, people have been posting lyrics to songs. I thought I was the only one that liked to do that but seems a lot of people do. There are a lot of healing songs out there. I think we could put together a whole CD of songs that got us through the week...Save a Place for Me, Homesick, Heaven is a Place, Praise You in this Storm, Untitled Hymn, Heal My Broken Heart and so many more.

Ephesians 5:19 tells us Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord,

Yesterday's Memorial Service for Kurt was the most beautiful, the most amazing service I have ever witnessed. It was emotional yet so powerful.

The church was packed as I knew it would be.

The service started with the family walking in behind Pastor Terry and Kelly. They took their seats and a slide show began. The pictures changed to The Mark of A Man of God. Click here to listen. It was perfect.

After the slide show, it was time to begin. Pastor Terry got up there, his voice was shaky. I prayed, "God give him strength!". How difficult that must have been for him! It was wonderfully done. Lis loves hymns. We sang some of her and Kurt's favorites, Great is Thy Faithfulness, As the Deer, and I Love You Lord. To be still and listen to the voices singing praises was awesome! Pastor Phil sang Welcome Home Children. The lyrics are:

A Great day is coming, Heavens gates will open wide,
And all who love the Lord will enter in;
To join with their loved one who in Jesus Christ have died;
Our eternal life in Heaven to begin.
And the Lord Himself will great us on that great and glorious day
And with the smile of the proudest Father He’ll look at us and say,
Welcome Home Children! This is the place I’ve prepared for you.
Welcome home children, now that your work on earth is through.
Welcome home children, you who have followed so faithfully
Welcome home children! Welcome home children!
Here where I am you shall always be
Forever rejoicing with me.

Kurt was all about God. He was a Godly husband, a Godly father, just and overall Godly man. He loved seeing lives changed when people would come to know God. He loved showing them how applying the word of God to their lives can bring them joy.

Pastor Terry ended the service by sharing Kurt's testimony of faith and how Kurt would want him to share in how one, if they didn't already know, could have the hope that we have. Then he prayed the sinner's prayer.

With heads bowed and eyes closed, he asked people to raise their hand if they prayed that for the first time. He said, "thank you" three times. After the service, he asked them to tell Lis or to send her a note because that would be so meaningful. Then there were two more who came forward and said, "we didn't raise our hands, but we prayed that prayer. We are re-committing our lives to Christ."

All things work for the good of those who love Him.

Lis was so happy with those decisions. Kurt would have been too.

I imagine too that Kurt, if you know how he laughs, (he has a big belly laugh) got a pretty big kick out of all of his church members wearing suits yesterday.

But back to my opening thought, if we've ever needed you, Lord it's now. Almost my every thought is Lis and those boys. My heart hurts for her.

Psalm 68:5 says A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.

God will take care of them. Her family will take care of them. Her church will take care of them but it's still hard. It's still sad.

Lis told Pastor Terry that Kurt's "project" for this year was to memorize the Book of James. James 1:2-3 says Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

Trials draw you closer to God. She will persevere. We will all persevere!

Slong Sleeved Slirts

2010-01-22T16:27:00.000-05:00

Last night Will and D. wore Kurt's shirts. They were short sleeve shirts on Kurt but on the boys, they were long sleeve shirts. So they called them, slong sleeved slirts. Pictured above is Will and D. with Cam playing Nintendo while taking a break from the visitation. What great boys those are! It looks like they may have had some Cheez-Its too. Photo by Jordo.

A Day

2010-01-22T06:41:00.002-05:00

I don't know how else to describe it other than that...a day. It was a day filled with lots of emotions and lots of activity.

The day started out with a 2-hour delay for my kids. That was nice because many nights this week they have gone to bed too late because we have stayed up talking. It was nice for them to get a little extra sleep. After dropping them off, I headed over to Robyn Radeker's where she was heading up the planning for the food for the visitation.

Robyn, Jodi and I delivered food to the church and set it up for the kids and the family to have during the visitation. MOPS moms had given food for this and Robyn and Jodi wanted to make it, as Robyn said, "lovely for Lis because she is such a lovely person". And it was. It looked beautiful. We all brought the crystal trays that we got as wedding gifts but never use, and we put the food on those. Even Twizzlers in a vase. In the kids room, it was all about the sports. It was basketball and football trays and bowls galore filled with puffcorn puffs, cheez-its, fruit snacks, pb and j uncrustables and lots of other things that kids love.

We were busy, busy, busy so there was not a lot of time to think about why we were doing this. Even though the pictures of Kurt were at the front of the auditorium and the pictures on the TVs in the atrium were flashing a slide show of Kurt, we still carried on without the emotion that we were doing this because we were hosting a funeral visitation. Even when the flowers arrived, it didn't seem real.

I tend to live in this imaginary world that nothing like this happens even though, by now, I should be able to face reality that things like this DO happen.

Then I saw those boys. Those handsome little boys and they were wearing Kurt's shirts. My heart fell to the floor and shattered. I saw Kurt's ring on a necklace around Lis' neck and realized it wasn't on Kurt's finger. Again, my heart ached.

This was real. He was really gone.

It was evident by how many hundreds of people stood in line for hours last night that Kurt had an impact on many people. I overheard his dad say that he thought Kurt impacted more lives in his short life than he and his mom did together in their entire lives. He was amazing.

But those families...wow! What amazing families both Lis and Kurt both have. So nice and loving and they so appreciated everything. They just went on and on with thank you's for all we did. But I think if we had just served them Go-gurts and Uncrustables, they would have appreciated it. They were just that nice.

And their faith...amazingly strong. We met Kurt's mom while we were waiting in line. We talked with her a bit about Kurt. She was so strong and so proud of Kurt. She doesn't like this any better than the rest of us, but she trusts in God's plan and she knows it's only for a little while. She knows she will see him again.

Lis' family too, so strong in their faith and such an encouragement to her. She is surrounded on both sides with the addition of a loving church family. Many are ready to pour out their love to her as she so often does to others. Lis was amazingly strong last night too. That had to be a long and emotional night for her.

Today we will say goodbye to our friend, our pastor, our coach but this goodbye is only for a little while.

I love the song Homesick by MercyMe. I love the chorus:

In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

Brothers and sisters, we want you to know about those Christians who have died so you will not be sad, as others who have no hope. 1 Thes 4:13 NCV

Choose to Be a Blessing

2010-01-21T07:08:00.004-05:00

This morning, as I have all week, I woke up thinking about the Glancy family. I had in my head the song that Pastor Jeff sang with the praise team, The Blessing. Also in my mind was, you reap what you sow. "Coincidentally", that verse, out of all the verses that could have appeared, was the verse of the day on BibleGateway.com. Hmmm. I love it when God speaks soooo clearly!

God's timing for Kurt is interesting to me but it is what it is. As I look at the lyrics to this song, it seems so perfect.

Let it be said of us
While we walked among the living
Let it be said of us
By the ones we leave behind
Let it be said of us
That we lived to be a blessing for life

Let it be said of us
That we gave to reach the dying
Let it be said of us
By the fruit we leave behind
Let it be said of us
That our legacy is blessing for life

This day
You set life, you set death right before us,
This day
Every blessing and curse is a choice now
And we will choose to be a blessing for life

Let it be said of us
That our hearts belonged to Jesus Let it be said of us
That we spoke the words of life
Let it be said of us
That our heritage is blessing for life

For your Kingdom, for our Children
For the sake of every nation

No one knew on Sunday that it would be the last Sunday that we would worship with him yet we sang a song that describes his life so well.

Kurt was a blessing while here and now his family is reaping what he sowed. People everywhere are loving them, supporting them and doing all they can to be the blessing to them that Kurt was.

Pastor Terry preached on being "All in" for God. It was Commitment Sunday. We committed to give our all to worship, walk and work for God's Kingdom. We committed to rid ourselves of any heart issues that were holding us back from doing so.

John Downey, one of Pastor Kurt's closest friends, said, "Ironic that someone with such a huge heart for God, his family, friends and strangers that it would be his heart that would fail."

Thankfully it's our heart for God that matters in the eternal scope.

Kurt made us all better for knowing him and while we don't want to go on without him, we have to. He would want us to continue to reach out the lost, the lonely, the hurting, the sick, the young, the old and all of the other people out there who need loved.

I think it is safe to say that people are holding to their commitments and are "all in". I have seen amazing things this week from not only Rock Point but others coming together to show the love of Christ. This is tough, but it will make us stronger as we pull together and build each other up.

Let us all choose to be a blessing for life!

Counting on God

2010-01-20T10:33:00.003-05:00

I tossed and turned from 3am on. I never went back to sleep. My mind raced back and forth from thoughts of Teresa and her test results and the Glancy family. And then the calendar that I set up for meals for the Glancy's...I kept thinking, "what if I messed that up?" Everything seems worse at 3am for sure!

Seemed like once I would clear out a thought and feel at peace, something else would pop into my mind. I call it the "thought train", when one thought leads to another.

I thought about getting the news on Monday and hearing the sobs of my husband. I thought about how there will be more sobs tomorrow and Friday. That's tough stuff.

I thought about my kids wondering if that could ever happen to their dad. How do we answer that?

I thought about how I didn't even have time to look at my brother's honeymoon pictures yet because I hadn't had time to sit down at a computer.

I thought about Jordan and how his heart is breaking over the loss of his best friend and mentor.

I thought about John and how he lost his pastor buddy.

I thought about Teresa and how hard it must be to wait for results and how she has so much on her plate with her own health in addition to her dad's.

I thought about Kerry and Kelly's mom, Ann.

I thought about our pastoral staff at Rock Point. How do you prepare for a funeral of a co-worker, especially a 41 year old co-worker?

I thought about how this is supposed to be Dedication Sunday. We are supposed to CELEBRATE this Sunday. How can that go on?

How can Pastor Terry prepare to do P.K.'s funeral and a sermon for Sunday?

We were already losing two pastors in February, now Pastor Kurt is gone. What are we going to do? How are we going to do this?

I thought about the other day when Brock Graham went to CHS to inform our high schoolers about Pastor Kurt (because they were finding out through the grapevine). He gathered them in the counseling area and they prayed and then broke out in song, singing Counting on God. Amazing group of kids!

And that's when the alarm clock was to go off. I never went back to sleep after 3 but I lay there for four hours thinking, stewing, wondering, questioning...I needed that song. I needed those lyrics. I was definitely going to need them to get through the day.

God is bigger than ALL of those thoughts, questions, etc. All I have to do is put my faith in Him and count on Him to pull me through, to pull everyone through.

Joy unspeakable that won't go away
And just enough strength
To live for today
So I never have to worry
What tomorrow will bring
'Cause my faith is on solid rock
I am counting on God

Jordan's Post about Kurt

2010-01-20T10:18:00.002-05:00

Our friend Jordan was very close to Kurt and family. I thought I'd link his blog to mine so you could read his thoughts, feelings on all of this. Click here to read.

Great Friend, Pastor, Coach and More

2010-01-19T20:38:00.001-05:00

We were blessed to have had Pastor Kurt (center in gray) as one of Cam's football coaches this past fall. We will miss his smile, his humor but most of all, his friendship.

Funeral Arrangements for Pastor Kurt

2010-01-19T20:10:00.002-05:00

Funeral Arrangements for Pastor Kurt are as follows:

Visitation at the church Thursday 1/21 4-8 p.m.
Funeral at the church Friday 1/22 10 a.m.
Online condolences can be sent to http://www.huntandson.com/

Didn't See This One Coming

2010-01-19T09:22:00.009-05:00

Yesterday started just like every other Monday. Well, not exactly. Brian was off for MLK day and the kids had to go to school. Nancy and I had switched our preschool days because Brian and I had planned to go to Lafayette and spend the day shopping without kids!

But first we decided to go to Wabash. Nancy and Adam met us there and we walked while Brian ran on the treadmill. As I always do, I had my phone in my hand. An email came through from the church. It said, "pray for Pastor Kurt. He is having some medical issues." I thought it was strange because I had just seen him the day before. I could picture where I last saw him standing, who he was talking to and what he was wearing. He seemed fine to me. But I prayed anyway. Then my phone rang. It was John Downey. I was walking, out of breath and in conversation with Nancy so I ignored the call and planned to call him back later. Then he called back so I thought I had better get it. He told me that Kurt had suffered a heart attack. Then another email came through from the church, this time and URGENT prayer request saying that Pastor Kurt had suffered a heart attack. Then a text from our Pastor's wife saying, PRAY for Kurt!

And then the call...

He didn't make it.

What?

How?

Why?

So many questions without answers.

As we spent the day at the church yesterday with church family, I saw how people loved the Glancy family. There is no place I would have rather been. We cried, we grieved, we reminisced, we prayed, we served, we talked, we wrapped our arms around each other and loved one another. I love my church family.

But as I thought back on the life of Kurt Glancy, he and his wife Lis are the reasons we are there (Rock Point). Brian was playing softball at Elston one summer night. Lis and my cousin, Thoma knew eachother from a childbirth class. I was sitting with Thoma and she introduced me to Lis. She invited me to MOPS at Pleasant View. I went. She then invited us to church on friend day. We went. We eventually started attending Pleasant View.

And the way God has transformed our lives since we started attending Rock Point (formerly Pleasant View) has been amazing!

But back to Kurt. Kurt was a man who did it all right as far as I could see. He was a good man. He loved his wife. He loved his sons. He loved people. He had a picture perfect family. I mean picture perfect! He loved helping people. He loved seeing new people in church. He was a great coach. I never saw him get upset. I never heard him raise his voice. He could calmly say, "William, Andrew" and his boys would look him in the eye with love and respect. I can't comment on how he was as a co-worker or a son or a son-in-law, but I imagine that you couldn't find anyone to say an unkind word about Kurt Glancy.

He was a good friend to our family. I'm thankful for the times that their family came over to swim this summer despite the freezing cold water. I'm thankful for the time that my son got to play football for him this past fall. And so many other times.

But we were supposed to go camping this spring. We were going to get some families together and do that. We wanted Cameron to play football for him again next fall.

Those were our plans.

God had other plans.

This is where we have to show our faith. This is when it becomes real.

It's real easy to coast along in life when things go smoothly and say, "God is good!" and "of course I believe in God. "

Yesterday I heard a lot of things. A lot of questions. A lot of scripture. A lot of advice.

The sovereignty of God. What is that? My friend, James McDonald puts it like this:

Sovereignty is all about being God. In our need for control, we want a God that’s manageable. We reduce Him to some heavenly pal or celestial bellboy. We want to use the Lord like a rabbit’s foot. Just whip Him out for a little rub every time we have a problem. In some twisted way, we think we’re more secure when we’ve got God figured out. Sovereignty says, “no way!” There’s no way you’re going to figure out God. He’s more than we might dare to imagine.

Here’s another hard fact—when it comes to how He directs the people and events of history, God doesn’t need our permission. Hate to tell you, but He’s not going to bend down and explain why He’s doing everything He chooses to do. With both the macro and the microscopic world under His constant control, God is able to do whatever He pleases whenever He wishes.

Another question: Why Kurt? He was such a good man doing so much good for God.

This is where we have to trust in the promises of God.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Isaiah 55:8 “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.

We have no idea. We can't explain but we know that it IS out of our control. We can't explain why God does the things He does sometimes but we have to trust in Him. And in doing this, in trusting in His plan for us, we can have peace.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.

Philippians 4:6-7 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

I thought back to my Daniel Bible study from this summer when we talked about the fiery furnace and what happens when we face trials in life?

1. We can be delivered from the fire and our faith is built.
2. We can be delivered through the fire and our faith is refined.
3. We can be delivered by the fire into His arms and our faith is perfected.

Ulitmately, #3 is what it is all about. Perhaps not by the fire part, but the into His arms part. We know we are only here for a little while. We are not guaranteed tomorrow or even this afternoon.

James 4:14 How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.

But you know what? I can almost guarantee with 100% certainty that Pastor Kurt died with no regrets. He lived according to God's word so well. So many of us have relationships that we think we'll wait until a later date to mend.

So many of us think that God is not appealing, there are too many things I'll miss out on if I have to be a Christian, or that maybe someday I'll do that but for now I'm going to have fun.

You only get just one time around. There are no do-overs.

A friend posted the lyrics to Carrie Underwood's song yesterday:
This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary Home.

This life here on earth is just a blip on the radar screen. It may last a few months, it may last 9 years, it may last 41 years, it may last more, but one thing is certain. Your life on earth will come to an end. The next life is forever. FOREVER!

Pastor Terry often asks, "If you die today, are you 100% sure that you will go to heaven?" Do you have a relationship with Jesus Christ? Because when all is said and done and your time is over here on earth, you will want to be greeted like in Matthew 25. “The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!

as opposed to

Matthew 7:21-23 “Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’
Another thing that God promises is that He is working everything for the good.

This life matters for the next. How we live now matters for our forever life.

I have heard it said. I have seen it written on facebook: Pastor Kurt changed lives. Pastor Kurt influenced people for the Kingdom. That's what matters. That is what is important. He lived a Godly life. He lived according to God's word. He was blessed. His life was short but his life was rich.

Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

It is hard to see how good will come out of a young wife losing her husband. It is hard to see the good in two young boys losing their dad. A growing church lost its Care and Growth Pastor yesterday.

We didn't see this coming, but this was no surprise to God. He is all-knowing, all-loving and all-powerful. He is on the throne and is in complete control.

There will be lives changed because of Kurt's death. In fact, I have already seen evidence of some in the works. There will be people who learn of how Kurt lived his life and want to live like he did. There will be people who will hear the message of the hope that we have because of Jesus dying on the cross. Good will come out of this...it's a promise!

This life isn't easy and there is not a guarantee that it will be easy. In fact, it is promised that in this life we will have troubles in John 16:33. The Bible also says to consider it joy when trials come our way...

James 1:2-4 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

As I woke up this morning, I was extra thankful that my husband was here with me. When my kids woke up, I was thankful that their dad is here today. But a wife is mourning the loss of her loving husband and two boys will be missing their dad deeply.

Please pray for the Glancy family, Rock Point Church and all of those who knew and loved Kurt Glancy.

And one more thing...remember, you are not guaranteed tomorrow. Don't put off to do tomorrow what you need to do NOW!